March 31, 2005

Louise can sod off, Blarrpp!!! Chloe is so nice!!! Not only is Chloe beautiful, she’s so nice as well, didn’t think we’d blend again like we used to back in the days. She came over to my place, obviously a bit too over-dressed for the occasion which… which was typical Chloe, but I wasn’t complaining. Even though Chloe and I aren’t doing all the touchy cotching on the couch thing Louise and I used to do, it was still cool having her there…. I loved her eyes, I know I keep going on about it but, they are one of a kind… you never know if she’s so nice because she likes you or because she’s just a nice person. It’s kinda weird because when I first met her, a friend of mine (female) was saying, “She’s a funny person, I wouldn’t get to know her if I was you… she switches a lot”… which I’d say was very inaccurate, Chloe is such a wonderful person and I’ve known her for quite a while now (years) and she hasn’t been spiteful or switched or act like a monkey on crack before… so I put it down to female hating!!!

We spoke about the film “Hitch” because she just saw it and thought it was a brilliant film. “Kinda reminds you of you, you know, the whole tall and hair thing, and your lil’ theories about women” She smiled… “Is it? So who’s better… Kelly or Hitch” I asked… pushing it… “Err… definitely Hitch…” she said…. “What? I bet I’m buffer than Will Smith….” I said… obviously I knew Will Smith was way nicer than Kelly but I was just pushing it… you should have seen the look on her face… “Don’t ever say that again!” She said… I’m like ok???? It was so funny… it reminded me of the scene when the chubby geezer was dancing and Hitch was like “Don’t even do that again…” and when he persisted, he said “Get out” and he wasn’t smiling… and she was doing the same thing again… which after she burst out in laughter… it was so funny… Chloe wasn’t much of a cook, but no worries; she ordered some Chinese food…

Amerie called me…. “I’ve missed you so much babes, can’t wait to see you” she said… “Okay, calm down” I thought, aren’t you meant to be with Quincy or something? “How’s your holiday going?” I asked… “It’s lovely, the weather is so nice, and I look so dark now” She said… that’s when I thought about Quincy, hope he’s having a cool time, wonder if they slept on the same bed… I wasn’t going to ask though, it’s none of my business.. Come to think about it, what would I do if it were me? “Quincy bought me some £5K necklace asking me to be his girlfriend again….” The hairs on my neck went berserk… FIVE GRAND NECKLACE???? This guy must have enough money in his pocket, I’ve got a good job which pays me close to £40K but I won’t be so spend thrifty to buy a £5K necklace…. “…I think take it though, I said I didn’t want him back….” She continued… seen.. Wow.. she said no…. probably thinking I was a better bloke, which in no doubt I was… but Quincy would probably take her more serious, he was just boring and way too busy at work… I suppose that’s the life of an investment banker… the money is enough compensation though…. “Are you crazy!!!?” I said … “Why didn’t you take it.. We could go on and sell it and go on some fancy holiday” I continued… she laughed out loud… “You are so fun Kelly… I miss your jokes even though it’s just been two days….” She said… she was getting too soppy now… “Hmmm… miss you too” I struggled to let that out… kinda saying it quiet because Chloe was in the kitchen… even though she was meant to be my “platonic” friend… Chloe walked into the sitting area…. “Who are you on the phone to?” Chloe asked… I’m like oh no…. “Who’s that?” Amerie asked… err… I thought… this is just great!!! I couldn’t say Chloe, because she’s paranoid about Chloe as it was already…. And I couldn’t say something funky because Chloe was there….and I didn’t want her to think I had dodgy intentions… I just had to come out straight…. “It’s Chloe…” I said… she was silent for a bit… “Is it? I’ll call you later… Quincy is pestering me for us to keep moving….” She said as she cut the line….Okay… what was that about…

I was still sitting on the sofa… when out of no where, Chloe smacked some pillow on my head… it kinda hurt because I wasn’t expecting it… “What???” before I could say another word… Blam!!! Another pillow blow to my face…. I stood up and spear her, from the waist unto the sofa…. Wow… I didn’t know she liked play fighting… we kept on play fighting… we got ourselves into some compromising situations if you know what I mean…. I was this close to kissing her, but I didn’t… every time that happened, I felt like kicking myself, because I’d wanted to do this like years ago!!!

It’s cool though... I'm loving her company…. Louise had lost out on this one…

…TALK OF AN UPGRADE….!!!

March 30, 2005

Went to my parent’s place after work today, haven’t seen them for about a week now, even though I speak to my mom every now and then on the phone… The family home was in Purley even though I’d grown up in Streatham… My dad had always wanted a big house with a drive way and a gate, now he had it… he also loved cars! Maybe all men do, but my dad actually loved cars… his first love was a Jaguar, which he never bought, he used a Merc S500 and later moved to the new BMW 7 Series which he was currently using… my dad was cool even for a man in his mid-fifties… we were good friends which hardly any guy my age was with his dad… we’d only become good friends about two years ago (when I was 20), before that we were cool, but I couldn’t really talk to him about personal stuff, I was going through… but we first start talking after my break up with Claire, because he knew about her and he kinda thought she was good for me, even though he persuaded me to give her a second chance.. which I did but things just weren’t the same with her… after that, every other girl which I told him about wasn’t good enough… which was cool, I loved my dad and listened to everything he said…

I helped my mom out in the kitchen where she was preparing dinner (which was a very late one at 9pm!)… I was close to my mom, but shied away from telling her personal stuff like relationship matters with her… because she had very stringent views on them… so I spoke to my dad about stuff like that… My dad had started the conversation asking me about my car and when I was going to change it… The Audi was cool… but he didn’t like because it was a roadster (two doors), and was always going on about what would happen if he asked me to take him and my mom somewhere, where would they sit? He had a point, but I thought the Audi was so sexy, that’s why I bought it in the first place… he also didn’t like it because he thought it was too small for a tall geezer like me and reckoned I should get a 4X4 like the ML or X5… I laughed… my bank account wasn’t strong enough for that, even though I could get an ML for about 20-something grand, but I wanted something top of the range and which was relatively new if not brand new… after a while we moved to my job, which was cool and going great…. Then like I knew the question was coming up… “So who is the special lady?” he asked… hmm... tricky question… really there wasn’t anyone who was exclusive but if I had to say anyone it would have to be Amerie and how would it sound if I said she was on holiday with her ex??? It wont sound too good to the ears… my dad being one with strong family values, which I had too… had high expectations from whoever I brought home… and so did my mom… that’s why I had such a difficult choice in choosing a wifey!!! She could be alright and buff, and everyone would be like “wow! I see what you working with” but is she really wifey material? My dad had this “radar” thing which he could tell who was good and who wasn’t… so to save myself from disappointment, it wasn’t about bringing someone home and my dad going… she’s not right for you… even though he respects my views and choices…. I also wanted to make him happy and bring someone who he’d like… he liked Claire, wasn’t a big fan of Lorraine and I didn’t even bother introduce Lisa to him because I knew that was a big NO NO!!! My dad never met Chloe, but my mom did and she loved her… she thought she was really beautiful and had a good character which obviously was true…

“Err… no-one special, I’m still taking my time to find the right one… but I’m seeing this girl, she’s not my girlfriend, but I think she’s cool” I told him about Amerie… he reckoned she sounded cool… and he had this view that its cool for you to bring a girl home, but if I wasn’t serious with her (a long term relationship prospect), I should introduce her as a friend, that’s why I didn’t bother bring Lisa home, because I didn’t see her long term and I don’t know how she’d feel if I told my dad in front of her… “This is my friend, Lisa”…. That’s why most of these girls misunderstand me… I’m not a playa or anything close to that, I’m just a good guy looking for the right woman, and I wont ask a girl to be my wifey until I thought she was the one and I was ready to be in a long term relationship with her…

I left my parent’s place around 11pm… so I still had time on my hands to mess about for some time… I was going to go see Byron but he said some girl had asked him to come fix her pipes… like Byron knew anything about plumbing… any excuse to get a guy to come over… I think she meant she needs servicing not her pipes… lucky Byron… he was probably getting busy right now…

Come to think about it… I haven’t had any for time now… I wasn’t addicted to it or nothing… I was never the type to go out of my way to sleep with just any girl, I was very selective when it came to stuff like that… I’d only been with less than five women… and I remember the first time I attempted to cheat… it was with Claire… there was this girl who loved me off… and kept on asking me to come over… but I wasn’t really on it…so one day I said, I might as well but I’ll try not to do anything… so I went to this girl’s place… and we started kissing and crap… things were getting intense… next thing I knew, this girl is asking me to sex her… I’m thinking… what? I had a girlfriend… and she knew!!! That was the first time I knew some girls actually carried condoms with them… because ever since then I thought it was the man’s responsibility so I never carried any as a deterrent, because I would never do anything without one on… it wasn’t about that…THAT’S NOT GANGSTA! Okay fair enough, I thought, this girl is looking so good… I might as well do it… Claire won’t find out… and ALAS!!!! Mr Sugar wasn’t saying anything!!! I’m like what the **** is going on here… the girl was like??? You should have seen the look on her face…. She was cool though, she didn’t like chuck me out of the bed and throw me out of her house…. She reasoned with me and was like, it’s probably because I had a girlfriend and its psychological… that was the day I knew Mr Sugar had a brain of its own… the next few days was HELL!!! It affected me psychologically, I never had a boner for 2 days… and trust me TWO DAYS WITHOUT A BONER IS HELL!!!!... But I saw Claire some days after that and lets just say… I GOT MY MOJO BACK!!! I can laugh about it now, but then it wasn’t even funny…. I later told Claire about it… after which she flipped! but later got over it… at least I didn’t sleep with her, even though I told her I didn’t touch the girl but she wasn’t dumb enough to believe it!!! It was probably because I loved Claire off, Mr Sugar wasn’t saying anything… because the first time I officially cheated on a girl (Lisa) with Louise… Mr Sugar was more than willing…. Which is jokes… I wouldn’t do it again though… it’s not about cheating!!! THAT’S NOT GANGSTA!!! I probably did it because Lisa was jarring me already and wanted to finish it with her anyway….

It’s cool now though… I got home and spoke to Chloe my new “platonic” friend… its nice to have someone who cares about you… I could say Chloe cared about me a lot… close to the way Lorraine had…. Lorraine cared about me a lot… so did Claire… even though she never showed it until we broke up… which was pointless… Lisa was just like whatever….

Really I can say I’ve met only three special women in my life… Claire, Chloe and Lorraine… only heaven knows where Claire is, Chloe is meant to be my “platonic” friend and Lorraine had left the country again….

…it’s cool by me though… I’m confident I’ll find that lucky woman… very soon… hmm… but how soon is soon?

March 29, 2005

Came back from work today, Amerie texted me again to tell me they had landed and the weather was cool and all that… I’ve just lost Louise, I’m not about to lose another one! Talking about Louise, Marie called me today asking what was going on… that Louise was all cussing me last night, chatting about how Kelly is so self centred, so selfish and doesn’t put other people’s feelings in perspective… “I think you really misunderstood, Kelly…” She said… “Is it?” I said… “Wanna come round?” Marie said…. What is wrong with this girl??? Your sister was just cussing me, telling me not to come to her house and you are inviting me over… do I really wanna come? Err… NAA! “Go on Kelly… you know you want to…” I was getting sick of all this crap…. One day you’ve got everything all tight and the next day everything is all falling apart… but it was cool though, it wasn’t the first time something like this would happen… it’s one of those things that happen and lasts for like a week or so… but it was cool… looks like this week would be one hell of a boring one… with Amerie on holiday with her ex and Louise acting like a monkey on crack!

I needed a girl who could be my friend, who I could chat on a level with and would have my back anytime, anywhere… which is what Claire and I had before we started seeing each other… Amerie was cool… but I could see it going all wrong because their will be too much feelings involved… and the friendship wont kick off… a light bulb lit on my head…. How about Chloe… I hadn’t called her every since Saturday… so I gave her a quick call…. She sounded cool on the phone… we talked for a while… it was basically about why I hadn’t called her… I felt like chatting some lyrics but I really couldn’t be bothered… I wanted to be for real this time…. “Do you mind coming over?”….

She did come over… which surprised me… I’m like raw… I tried as much as possible to keep things platonic, but her almond shaped eyes weren’t making things any easier… I kept on staring at her lips and kept on snapping myself out of it… come on get a grip on it Kelly… “I’ll like us to be friends like we used to be back in the days… I really like you Chloe… will you be my friend?” I asked her… how dumb of a question was that… will you be my friend? The look in her eyes was like ??? what is this guy on about?

Here’s the stunner…”You know Louise don’t you” Chloe asked… “Yeah…” I answered… “Who is she to you…? You know my friend who had the birthday on Saturday, is actually Louise’s friend and she was at her house on Sunday… and she was telling her about this guy called Kelly… and I’m like is this the same Kelly I know…” What!!!! Louise is such a prat!!! What is she chatting my business for??? “Apparently… you are meant to be some self centred prick, who goes around preying on women’s emotions… she sounded pretty upset…” Chloe said… looking into my eyes for an answer… I was so outraged…. “She’s a chump!!!, why is she talking about me that way???” I told Chloe about what had happened in the past… obviously not mentioning the fact that I cheated on my girlfriend with Louise…. But the fact that she was cool at first and I didn’t think she was what I wanted… and we were friends for a while and then she freaked out one day and she’ even done it in a worse way yesterday…. “I know what you mean, obviously you now obliged to go out with her if you realise she’s not what you want…” She said… “But I’m sure you know how women can be….” She continued… giving me a lecture about all these things I knew!!! “I understand you Kelly, the problem is you know what you want, so when you see something you aint feeling in a girl, you tend to do a runner… which is cool, but then they’ve got feelings too, you can’t run away with people’s feelings… I do like you Kelly… but sometimes I feel intimidated by the way you carry on… it’s like you are smart and intelligent and you know what you want, and what if I show you what I’m on and you not on it…or you suddenly stop being on in” She was serious now… wow… so Chloe did actually like me… “I like you too, Chloe but I don’t wanna do the same to you, because I respect you, you are like so different from bare other women and I wont wanna do the same to you, that’s why I didn’t kiss you on Saturday…. I really wanted to and I’m still kicking myself in the ass for not doing it… but I respect you… that’s why I didn’t do anything… “ I said… okay I was becoming a wussy… “That’s why I want us to be friends… like we were back in the days… you know the way we used to be cool then….” I continued… “Are you sure you can maintain a platonic relationship with me Kelly?” She asked… with so much intensity in her eyes… this is becoming too weird, I had to ease the atmosphere… “Err.. don’t worry about me luv, worry about yourself….” I joked…. “Ha ha… “ She smiled…

It was cool after that… we watched TV for a while just before she left… at least I got me another female companion who I can chat to on a level…. Louise you can carry on acting like a monkey on crack… you’ll be back…. I’m can bet on that….

…and I aint bluffing on that!

March 28, 2005

Easter Monday, woke up at 11am this morning, I had been so tired yesterday, got home at some crazy hour of the day around 3am or something. I was so tired. I lazed around the house like all day, doing nothing apart from watching TV, which was so boring. I thought about going to Louise’s place, but I decided against it.

Byron then called me that they was this place in Balham, where musicians just jam together on the instruments. Did I mention what all the brothers had in common? Music was what brought us together, we’d played in a band before everyone went to different universities and it all became history. Byron and I still played together a few times because I had a piano at my place. So I thought, I wasn’t doing anything today so I might was well. We got into the smoke filled room on the top floor of a pub in Balham and there was a quartet playing, and we just sat down and listened, after a few songs, anyone in the audience who wanted to have a go, could walk up to the stage and play a lil’ sum’um. I had a go on the keyboard, didn’t do anything special, it’d been time since I placed in a public place so confidence wasn’t running too high… Michael came along as well and tried have a go on the drums… it was jokes… it wasn’t like Michael was crap on the drum and he wasn’t no Richard Starkey (Ringo, the Beatle’s drummer)… but there was no confidence and the expert “jammers” at the place weren’t too impressed… it was so funny… anyway we left the place around 11pm… with our fresh clothes stinking of smoke… hate that crap!!!

I didn’t have anywhere to go…. And I didn’t wanna go home just yet… so I thought, you know what… I’ll go jam at Louise’s place. So I rang her up and told her… “Why do you wanna come here?” She asked… what kinda of question is that? Why do you wanna come over? “What?” I said… “What kinda question is that?” I asked? “You heard me, Kelly… why do you wanna come over?” She said again… “I swear we meant to be friends…” I said… “Friends? Friends? It’s cool, but I’m sorry, I don’t want you here… you can go meet your other girls init? But you are not coming in here…” What is this girl on about? “You know what; I’m kinda busy right now…” She said as she cut the line…. WHAT!!!! Did this girl know who she was talking to? I’m trying to be a friend to her and she’s acting all dumb? Is it my fault I don’t like her that way? I’m trying to do the right thing and she’s acting like she doesn’t know me!!!?

So I went over to Amerie’s house because I know she was going on holiday with her boyfriend tomorrow. I got there and I saw some Porsche outside… I’m like raw; Amerie’s got a new car… I got into her house… it’s like she was surprised to see me… “Hi, Kelly… “She said… “Hey, y’alrite luv?” I said… walking in…. and there some prat was seated on the sofa… “Hi, Kelly” I said… stretching my hand out for a handshake to the geezer on the sofa… “Quincy, y’alrite?” he said… “Kelly’s my friend and there is Quincy, he’s err… my friend…” She never told me her ex-boyfriend’s name, but you know how you can tell who and who are together… I knew it was him… He was an alright guy, dresses nice, and from what I gathered, it was his car outside because I saw the Porsche key ring in his hand… even though the Porsche Boxster is said to be a poor man’s Porsche, it’ll set you back a good 32grand… which was way more expensive than my Audi TT. He was tall, but not as tall as I was and he was an investment banker, so I knew he was loaded with money… talk about competition… he wasn’t a bad bloke actually… he was funny and had charisma and he wasn’t trying to be the alpha male in the situation… “Amerie and I are traveling tomorrow…” he said… “Yeah she told me…” I said… where was Amerie anyway… “We’ll be back on Friday…” he said… he kept on chatting some shit about when they were together… maybe he thought I was some dickhead friend or something… I’m putting my bid into this thang as well! But I kept listening to him… I couldn’t let Amerie walk away with this geezer…. He then told me about his job, his car… and about everything… maybe it was a bad idea coming here in the first place… he was pretty boring… one of those guys who bored women about what they did and how fantastic their job was and the places they’ve been… and apparently his dad was some big shot as well….. Seen… I was bored out of my wits.

Amerie came downstairs, and said she was sorry and was packing for tomorrow… I took this was my cue, this prat wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon and I wasn’t going to get any TLC with Quincy lying around… and I knew how women act when their ex was around… they never showed you no love… plus we weren’t an item anyway… wonder why… I left the place around 12:30… Amerie then text me

“Quincy and I are just friends… with you is where I wanna be... you don’t have to worry about him, he’s not as funny as you are”

Okay, this is flattering… but why exactly was she going on holiday with him? Didn’t really bother me and it wasn’t like I was going to put my heart into what she said because, women are just as unstable as the windows operating system!

Is it all falling apart? What was Louise all about?

March 27, 2005

We all (the brothers) went raving today; I must say I don’t see any point in raving!!! What’s the point in going to a club and dance… wow I must say I’ve got a vast CD collection at home of which I’d like to listen to on my own or with the company of a beautiful woman… or should I say women… anyways… the women are all in the middle all dancing with themselves (what’s the point in that) and the guys all standing around… looking and thinking “Bloody hell…look at that!”… It wasn’t too bad for me because I was just sitting down… after all I went because it was Fiona’s girlfriend’s birthday and Michael had asked us to come… plus we got in for free so why not?

I was still sitting when I recognised a figure in the dance hall that I’d seen before…the short hair… (for some reason… that’s the first thing I always recognise… the hair the face then the body….) it was Anne from like three weeks ago or something… at the party where I’d meet Amerie… she was dancing so gracefully on the dance hall with her girlfriends… I wasn’t exactly going to walk up to her, because if I got up I’d look the sofa I was cotching on and it wasn’t about standing at the club! She was like 10 metres away from me and I was hoping she’d look my way and I’ll call her over… but no it wasn’t happening…. I was pissed… I brought out my phone to give her a call… DUH! NO RECEPTION!!! The club probably had some lead walls!!! And to make it worse it was a basement dance hall… this was getting annoying… I felt like dashing my phone towards her… err… maybe that’s not a brilliant idea… after about 30mins (trust me it’s a long time if all you doing is just waiting for a girl to look your way… Anne went to the bar, so I took this as my cue… “Look what we’ve got here…” I said, creeping up behind her, running my hands down her bare shoulders and arms… “Your smile is killing me luv…” I said… as she smiled… “You are a joker… how are you?” She said as she gave me a hug… “I’m cool, you?” I hadn’t spoken to her since I rang her the last time when she asked me to ring her the next day… “I didn’t even know you’d recognise me” She said… “Hmm… I think you wearing the same earring and top, that’s how I recognised you” I joked… obviously she wasn’t (it’s not obvious but she wasn’t… anything to make her smile…) “You are dumb…” She said… (The playful, “you are dumb”)… I was just about to chat her up a bit when some geezer came up behind me… “Is there any problem here…” he said in some husky voice… I looked behind me to see who was talking… he wasn’t burly, but he built… he looked around 25, even though I was taller, I know he would take me on and probably beat the shit out of me… and it wasn’t like Byron, Mark or Michael were anywhere near and even if they were, they weren’t no thugs who were “strapping” a lil’ sum’um… “No… this is my friend Kelly, Kelly meet …” Anne said… I reckon I’ve got selective memory, because I really can’t remember his name… he knew he could take me on with the look in his eyes… and for him to even say that in the first place… maybe I was dressed too “sweet”… he then hand his arms round Anne’s waist, to show that that was his property… “Did I tell you your woman is so pretty…?” I said… trying to make the atmosphere lighter… “Err… it’s not what you think, he’s my friend” Anne said… friend??? So why is he getting all aggressive and possessive for… “Err… is that good news or bad news….?” I swear I was going to get punched up any time from now… “I’m just messing with you bro…” he said as he walked away… Okay that was strange… “Don’t mind him… he’s my ex…” Anne said she watched him walk into the crowds… “I ain’t watching your ex” I said… “I know you ain’t watching him, but I’m watching him….” She said… it’s like I had something stuck in my throat… “Is it?” was all I could manage to say… “So you still like him?” I don’t talk about other men, but I had nothing to say really… my throat was dry… “Yeap…” she said… still smiling… can she stop smiling because it made her look so nice… “You still got my number yeah?” I asked… “Sure” she said… okay what’s up with these one word answers… why is she being “one wordy”? “Give me a call, when Mr Lover starts to bore you” I said… as I walked backwards…. Giving her a quick wink and turning around… okay that was weird… what is all these crease in my game… she was meant to be all receptive… its cool though…

I joined Mark, Michael and Byron later on… some girl Byron had been speaking to was going home… and Mark grabbed her by the hand… and spoke to her for like a minute and next thing he was getting her number… even though I’d asked Byron to get her number previously, he said… I shouldn’t worry about him that he will take care of himself… (don’t ask me how)… but from when I saw Mark getting the number… it was pretty game over…. And don’t ask me why Byron did what he did next… he took out his phone and pointed it to the girl and said… “And this too…” implying she should put her number on his phone… “Let him give it to you” She said before walking away… it wasn’t helping Byron as well… if you wanna get a girl’s number… don’t get it in the presence of your boys…UNLESS YOU SURE YOUR GAME IS SO TIGHT THE GIRL WON’T TRY TO DISS YOU OR SAY NO…..!!! Michael was laughing his butt off!!! So was I and Mark was trying to say it’s not like that… obviously he wasn’t going to laugh… he was trying to be diplomatic… Byron smiled… but he must have been embarrassed… another tip if you are going to do it in front of your boys do it in a joking way… something amusing to your boys…so it’ll look like harmless fun… which is what I did next… some girl was walking past having a conversation with her friend, something about her shoe because she and her friend kept on looking at her shoes… “Your shoes are wicked” I said… looking at the red pointy shoes… which is one of those things many women think they look hot in but are just plain ol’ ugly shoes… according to a recent poll…. I then smiled after I said it… “Thank you…” She said... as she smiled… then I had a mischievous smile on my face… I was just having fun…. “What’s funny and why are they laughing…” She said looking at Mark, Michael and Byron…. Who were laughing… I was now thinking on my feet… “Err… that’s because they think I’m trying to get your number… err… which I wont mind if you were giving…” I smiled… she then smiled… “I’ve got a boyfriend… “She used that lame ass lyric again!!! “Thanks for the compliment though… “She said as she walked away… it was just fun… I loved doing stuff like that… come on the rave wasn’t all that… and I just thought I should have a bit more fun….

A quick tip… this “thang” works like a charm… have you noticed you not getting any calls of recent especially from the female population… err… pick up your phone and send the same generic text to every female in your phone book…. Seat back relax and get ready to receive the calls as they flood in…

NOTE: YOU MAY BE CAUGHT OUT IF YOU SEND THE SAME TEXT TO TWO FRIENDS WHO TALK… SO MAKE IT LESS “I’M MISSING YOU” KINDA THING… MAKE IT FRIENDLY AND GENERIC, JUST IN CASE YOU GOT CAUGHT OUT… AND DON’T DO IT EVERY OTHER WEEK, MORE LIKE ONCE EVERY 3-6 MONTHS… then even if you got caught out, the girls would probably have forgotten about it…..!

GET TEXTING!!!!!!!

March 26, 2005

I picked up Chloe from her family house at Ealing Common, she was looking nice! Had some baby phat satin dress which stop just above the knees, and bwoy I had to struggle to keep my eyes on the road, because she sat so comfortably on the seat, body inclined towards me… good sign… “You look nice” She said beating me to the compliment… I wasn’t wearing anything wow… just an off pink shirt and blue pin stripe trousers and white Patrick Cox shoes… just the sweet look, I know she’d be introducing to bare of her friends… not like we were an item… but I was going to the party with her… it was Bank Westminster at Buckingham Gate… it was a nice swank bar… We walked through the doors and once I again I was proud to have walked in with a buff girl… because you can always see the look on people’s face… saying hmm… nice couple… I was walking an inch behind her… the whole male protection pose… when you walk into a place with a girl…. You don’t like stand right next to her… just be like a few inches behind her… so when she hugs her friends and they do their lil’ fake kisses… the friends can always get a good look at you… She exchanged pleasantries with a few friends… introducing me… my best part… “Here Kelly…my friend… “ She said… the evening was cool… there were a few nice girls… but Chloe looked like the superstar there… violating the unwritten rule that says the birthday girl should be the best looking girl at the party, but I must admit Chloe was looking kinda nice… and I was chuffed to be the man next to her… There weren’t that many guys in there… probably a ratio of 3 girls to one guy, which isn’t that bad… the food was quality… good value for money… Chloe had a Caesar salad… I don’t know about all these girls who carry on like they don’t eat, having just salad… and “cranberry juice”… after the meal… everyone (majority) was cotching at the Zander bar which was part of Bank Westminster… the bar was nice, good lighting… that’s very essential… it’s funny how good some girls look under good lightening… blocks out the sights we all don’t wanna see if you know what I mean… FFF syndrome… fine from far and the FWD… fine when dark… Chloe and I had been cotching on a sofa listening to Jon B’s “Lately”… that’s some good tune… Jon B was one of those good artistes who never got their creds… Even though Chloe was always stressing the fact that we were friends and nothing of the sort would happen… I just knew this girl was feeling Kelly… its just one of those things Kelly could easily pick up… a few of her friends were also around us and everyone was talking… don’t ask me how they could hear themselves with the loud rhythms streaming from the speakers… okay hedging my bets I used the “finger talking” technique… hmm no reply… I kept on doing it though… while we talked and she talked with other people… did I feel something? No it was just me… she wasn’t replying… seen… didn’t stop though… okay I’m sure I felt something… Eureka!!! She was feeling on my fingers back… okay I’m back in the game… “Hmm…you hair smells nice…” I said… using that as an excuse to smell on her neck… for her to feel some warm sum’um on her neck… I thought to myself… what exactly am I doing? If something did happen, could I live this drama? Whatever I thought… I don’t know how… but the sounds of Omarion’s “O” burst through the sound system… that’s strange… for a swank bar like this… Chloe got up and said… “I swear this is your song…” She said as she pulled me up… even though no one was dancing so I felt kinda self conscious… I was holding on to her waist and I was going all crazy, her body felt so good and smooth underneath the layer of satin… learning from Marie… don’t say nothing when you slow dance… that something that I at least learnt from Marie… I knew she knew I was hard… and I’m sure she was glad she was doing that… when I was younger… I used to think that’s perv… getting a hard on when slow dancing… and I used to try to withdraw slightly so she couldn’t feel it… but over the years I’d found out “There was nothing wrong”… that’s something else I enjoyed tonight apart from the food…

I dropped her back at Ealing… I wasn’t too fussed on getting anything, so I played it cool… I didn’t bother stop the engine running… my car stereo still wasn’t working and I wasn’t feeling that… but it was cool since we were cracking joke all the way back to her place… “Thanks for coming hope you had a nice time” Chloe said... looking at me with her beautiful almond shaped eyes… “It’s my pleasure luv….” I said… she was still looking at me smiling… blinking slowing… with her eye lashes all fluttering… seen… this is getting weird… “Come here” I said… arching my palm behind her neck… and I kissed her on the cheek “Goodnight Chloe” I said… I knew she was going to kiss me on the lips because her lips had slightly scraped the side of my lips… “Boy ting” I thought… she must have felt embarrassed… “Its all luv” I thought to myself again… she went out of the car and waved by… and I slapped myself!!! THAT COULD HAVE BEEN YOU TONIGHT BRUV!!! I would have killed to be in this situation a few years back when I’d just met Chloe… but it was all good… it builds the tension… and when the tension is max and released… bwoy I will and she will be feeling magical things…

NOW IS THE POINT TO LISTEN TO SLOW JAMS!!! BUT THE DAMN STEREO WASN’T WORKING!!! I could obviously replace it so easily… but it wasn’t about buying just any car stereo, the one that packed up had cost me a well earned £400, and it wasn’t about just splashing out…. I had a mortgage to pay… I’d been thinking about the stereo when Amerie text me saying….

“Hope had a nice time with your other girls, you don’t have to tell me what you are up to, it’s not like I’m your girlfriend… call me when you get home… Amerie XXXxxxXXX”

I called her when I got home as she requested… she asked me where I went and I told her a friend’s birthday eat out… “So how come you couldn’t tell me that before?” She said… “Don’t get this twisted Kelly, I know about you… you are a woman’s man, I mean you CAN BE sweet, charming… you handsome… ambitious… smart and doing well for yourself…” She said… “Okay you can stop with the compliments…I’m blushing… besides… is this the point where I tell you the same about you?” I laughed… We talked for a while… she said something about… going on holiday with her ex… next week… “Seen” I said… not asking any questions…

….it wasn’t like I was her boyfriend or anything…

March 25, 2005

I went to Bar One with Byron today… it was some girl’s birthday, so the bar was looking all hot with batty, flying all about and some girls were wearing some banging outfits!!! Nice lil’ dresses… plunge halter-neck tops which needed some cello tape to hold the dress up… thinking they are some sort of JLo or something… I kinda played it cool tonight, just cotching all feeding my eyes with something good… that’s when my eye caught the hair… it had to be the hair... my style… short hair… with some mad spiky madness on top and a lil’ extension at the back… with blonde highlights… I'm like raw… tapped Byron “That’s what I’m talking about bruv, the hair…” I thought it was just the hair but it was everything… she had a charming smile… wore a tiny short black dress with green ¾ length trousers which was hugging up her backside and bwoy did she have a back off! She then wore a nice denim blazer… got me all screaming that’s my kinda chic… she went around saying hello to all her friends… I wasn’t going to say anything... not yet anyway… just admiring her and thinking this was my kinda girl… dressing wise… aint seen one so close in a long while… she was snazzy and ostentatious from top to bottom and I was feeling her style… she had nice shoulders too… thanks to her tiny dress which had an halter-neck… we exchanged a couple of glances which I didn’t read nothing into… THAT’S WHEN THE PARTY GOT LOCKED OFF!!! This is what gets me mad… I wasn’t going to fool myself into thinking I’d definitely have said a lil’ sum’um to this girl but I was happy just looking at her and thinking raw… she struck a chord in me still... with her style… some dweebs had been standing outside the bar at 1am… and were told to leave, but they wouldn’t leave… so the management locked off the party at Bar One and everyone had to leave… “NOOO!!!” I screamed…. “It’s not about that” I said to Byron who was obviously pissed as well…

We made our way out and I must have seen some girl I was eyeing up at the bar before the snazzy girl walked in… we exchanged a few glances… and I can remember her smiling, I’d seen her before then and I put my bid in… she had a boyfriend then… I saw her walking to her friend’s car and I blocked her… “Do I get a hug luv?” I asked… she gave me a hug… “Seen” I thought… “So do I get your number too…?” I said, thinking this was some buy one get one free thing… “Naa…” She said… chatting some shit… all acting strange… but I understand her moves you get me… Kelly don’t get turned down everyday… but I’ll let this run because she was just trying to show off to her friends who were waiting for her in the car and you know how girlfriends can be in this situation…. As she entered the car… “I’ll be back” I said… “You know like the terminator… I’ll be back luv…” I said…. Trying to remember some lame ass lyric from American pie…. Kellynator, sent back in time to satisfy you…or some crazy shit like that… couldn't be bothered to chat the line… she probably didn’t even watch American pie…. It’s alright though…. She still hasn’t seen the last of the Kellynator!!! Hahahhaha!!! (evil genius laugh)…

I thought I was a bad guy, you should have listen to Byron chatting to some girl on the phone with some lyrics, about caring and wanting to be with some girl and all that malarkey…! Even Kelly doesn’t say all that madness…! I am a brutally honest guy and I keep it real… no long ting… if I like you, I’ll tell you I like you but I don’t wanna be in a relationship…. If you wanna show me luv, then that’s cool…. Instead of chatting all the love lyrics, getting some luving and bailing like a bat out of hell! Byron was working with down deep business today… he was so hyped up, after clinching the deal with the management firm which signed his band… he’d bought a BMW 3 series… 52Reg… neat car still… which we drove to Bar One… he was so hyped up he said… he was in the mood for “putting his bid into anything!”…. “I feel I can rip anything up bruv” he said… the birthday girl who’d been wearing some dress which was revealing her suckle bossom… unfortunately she had no batty… Byron had said he felt like walking up to her and doing some mad business to her bossom… Byron was blimey horny tonight for him to have said that… its all good though… bless him… he’d been plotting on how he was going to move to some girl… and how he was going to see her on Saturday, so he had to put his bid in as soon as possible… and he was pretty sure she’ll be having it as well… I’d never seen Byron on hype as he was today even since back in the days when he used to be the don at getting girls….

Byron was staying at my place… and I could hear bits and bops of his conversation with this girl. It’d been the girl he told me about that was on him before and he was trying to put his bid in now…. It seemed like the girl was trying to run game on him…. Saying she doesn’t want any drama and how she’s trying to stay away from him…. Malarkey…! Has Bryon lost his touch on this girl? Because he’d been so confident she’ll be having it…. But she wasn’t… she was been all difficult… I never heard Byron chat so emotional… don’t ask me if it was for real or not…. But he sounded pretty convincing… but then again you never know… and I wasn’t going to interrupt him while on the phone… seen… he came off phone saying the girl’s not having it…. “I’ll get it though, get me bruv… definitely… “

I cant believe the way some brehs carry on… some breh I’d seen once or twice came up to me while I was at Bar One chatting some shit about how I stole his girl… and how Kelly thinks he’s sly and can get everyone’s girl… I was thinking to myself, what are you on about… apparently, he was meant to be moving to this girl…. But he was hesitating and then I saw this girl at the Bar One day… and she was looking at me and I was looking at her… and its one of those things you just click that this girl wasn’t some brownsugar… so I took her number… it wasn’t like I liked her or nothing… it was a “why not” kinda thing…. I called her up and she was bare on it… chatting some “you are different” lyrics… chics need to allow that talk… they say it to me all the time… Kelly you are different this… you are different that… okay… we were friends for some time… she came over to my house… Byron had been around and I wouldn’t have done anything with this girl, if it wasn’t for the fact that Byron kept on saying “You need to piece this girl bruv… because you’d get me mad….” Like he was getting something out of the fact the Kelly was doing something with some girl upstairs and he gets a kick from that… to caught the long story short… I did something with her… and ever since this girl’s been on my case… “Guess it’s the brownsugar…” and here this breh is telling me that I stole his girl… it’s not my fault you girl was feeling me or should I say not my fault your girl is feeling me… I don’t want your girl, you can have her back… it doesn’t bother me… because your girl isn’t my type anyway…. Like 112 said in “Don’t Hate Me”

"Don't be mad if yo girl wants to leave with me, It’s not my fault yo girl is really feelin' me, I didn't even know she had a man, She said she didn't have a man, It's a shame, but this game baby, I got it in me, ain't no lame when it comes to women, I'm all up in 'em Sing a song, take 'em home, make 'em moan, then I'm gone, It's really just a game to me,
How in the hell do you have the audacity, Runnin' up on me tryin' to talk to me, Checkin' me, When you need to be checkin' yourself clown, Keepin' yo girl from schoolin' around, You call yourself a playa tell me how that sound, When yo girl is feignin' for me and she wanna be down"

I’m sick of brehs telling me I’m moving to their girls… If your girl’s got a problem with it, then let her talk, and since she didn’t talk, I guess she was gaming you too…

It’s not about fighting off manz off your girl, it shows how weak your game is… if your game was tight, your girl will say no… and if she doesn’t say no… she’s a whore!

March 24, 2005

I’ve been thinking, maybe I was a bit too harsh on Amy, it was cool for her to do whatever she intended to do but her approach was just wrong, it pissed me off and I just at to settle it there and then, even though thinking that’s a piece prospect gone, it didn’t matter, I didn’t need none of that from her and I very much doubt it she’ll be calling me again… who cares anyway… Kelly doesn’t need anyone…!

“I can’t believe you didn’t text me back last night!” Amerie said… “Where are your manners?”… Okay… I never knew there were text etiquettes where it’s written somewhere, “when someone texts you, you have to text them back”… “That’s rude you know” She said… “Is it?” I said sarcastically “I’m serious Kelly; you think everything is a game don’t you?”… “You’d be much happier in life, if you viewed life as being comical and it’s a lot more fun when you view life as a game…” I said… “Whatever, you are so weird…”… “It works doesn’t it luv?” I said…. “Hmm… it works… definitely... because all your mind games can be fun at times but there is so much a woman can take…” is that a threat or what…? You can view a woman’s feeling as a rubber band… you can stretch it and make it contract… when you being difficult and playing the whole hard to get thing… you stretching the band… you need to know the elastic limit after which the band breaks… this is when the girl walks away… its your duty to stretch and contract… it’s a trade off…if you contract all the time, there’s no phone… and she’ll dump you like yesterday’s mail… stretch all the time… and the band will either break or lose its elasticity… stretch and release to keep the fun!!! Which I was getting better at now… Amy’s case was different… she got my nerves with that stupid talk and I just had to let her go… it’s a shame she was beautiful… but clingy doesn’t flatter a woman’s beauty at all, but don’t get it twisted a butterz girl carrying on like she’s too nice is even worse!!! “Can you come around?” Amerie asked… “Errmm… why? “ I asked… “What do you mean why? I’m bored and I could do with a bit of company…” She said… “So are you coming…?” To be honest… I could do with a bit of company too… kissing on some nice lips… “I’ll be there in 30minutes…” I said… I had a shower and rubbed on my Brut splash on lotion… before spraying on my Jean Paul Gaultier for men… I was only told that perfume would get chics swooning over you, but I wasn’t a fan of that because I didn’t want a perfume everyone was wearing, so I let the hype die down a bit… and got it a few months ago and I love that fragrance… with its nice blend of lavender, orange blossom, cinnamon and VANILLA!!! I love the smell…

okay many guys just spray on perfume… here is how you put perfume on… perfume is not meant for clothes!!! It’s meant for the body…! You have probably sprayed cologne on your clothes at one time or another hoping that the smell would last. This is exactly the opposite of what you want to do. Clothes are not a hotspot and therefore will cause the smell of the perfume to dissipate quickly. Not only that, but by spraying cologne on your clothing you won’t give the fragrance a chance to react with your body the way it is meant to. These hotspots are areas on your body that produce more heat than others. Some of these hotspots are also called pulse points. These include the wrists, neck, and back of ears. All of these points produce heat and allow the fragrance to react with your body. It is recommended that you apply your cologne to these points if you need to smell good for the night. Air will constantly hit the fragrance at these points, and the smell will not last as long as if applied to the other spots. You should wear the perfume on these hotspots because when you go out at night you are usually leaning in and talking to women, etc. With the smell being out in the air as well as around your neck area, the aroma will be a little more “out there”.

If you gonna be out for long and you need the perfume to last for longer, The answer is; since air will quench the scent faster, you want to wear your fragrance under your clothes. This will cause the scent to linger evenly through the day. The best hotspots for this are the wrists, chest area, back, and thighs.

I got to Amerie’s place and she welcomed me in with a sumptuous kiss… okay this girl is pushing the buttons too quickly… “You smell so good…” She said as she held on to me for a while… I was still adamant I wasn’t going to go all the way with Amerie, so we spent the whole time watching some film that was showing on sky… Murder by Numbers… good film by Sandra Bullock... used to fancy her back in the days of Speed… had some elements of game theory in their… especially an abstraction of the game, Prisoner’s Dilemma… Good film… we then fell asleep and I woke up at 3am!!! Flew out of the house… without even waking her up… I had work in about 5 hours!!!

“Thanks for keeping me company babe… wish you were here with me…” The text she sent as I got home read…. I enjoyed being with her too… looking at her alone made me rise!!!

Damn! She’s pretty…!

March 23, 2005

He He… I’m I smiling or what… Chloe invited me to her friend’s birthday thing this Saturday, hmm… I reckon this girl likes me… She didn’t just invite me to come along… I’m meant to be her escort… I’m not sure if that’s meant to be a good thing or a bad thing… escort??? Sounds like something I’d say… Going to some fancy restaurant in West End… see what she’s working with… Amerie asked me out on Saturday too… “Someone else beat you to it luv” I said… “What?” She said… “Errr… someone beat you to it…” I repeated… “Is that how it is now Kelly?” She said… “You love off that name don’t you?” I changed the subject… “Hmm… I do like it actually… I like the whole girly name for a boy… it works… sounds sexy… and you look sexy too…” She smiled… “Is it………?” “Whatever Kelly… Where are you going on Saturday?” She asked… “Err… I’ll have to take the fifth amendment on that…” I thought she wouldn’t know what the Fifth Amendment was because everyone I’ve said it too never knew what it was… I got it from Lorraine; she said it all the time… “The Fifth Amendment 'can be asserted in any proceeding, civil or criminal, administrative or judicial, investigatory or adjudicatory; and it protects against any disclosures which the witness reasonably believes could be used in a criminal prosecution or could lead to other evidence that might be so used“… so if you wanna avoid answering a question, you can say I’ll take the fifth amendment… and to my amazement Amerie knew what it was… and she didn’t study law… the fifth amendment is US law anyway… “Are you seeing that Chloe girl?” She asked… how come she remembered her name? I knew she was going to bring it up one day… “Err… I thought I said… I’m taking the fifth amendment?” I replied… “There’s no big deal you know… it’s not like I’m your girlfriend or anything… you can tell me…” Amerie said… Okay when a girl says that… don’t take their word for it… it is a big deal… “I know all that…” I said… “You know what forget it… so how was your day…?” She said… still don’t believe that they taken their mind off it… when they say forget it…. We spoke for some for a while and she came off the phone and sent me a text…. “Are you really not gonna tell me?” the text read… Err…no I’m not… go to bed Amerie… I’m not going to reply your text….

Guess who called out of the blue… Amy… This girl is nuts man… trust me she’s pretty and everything, but when a girl starts to freak you out, it doesn’t make her any nice!!! It’s so annoying… ringing up my phone asking me why I don’t call her no more and talking about me playing some stupid mind games… err… I’m not playing mind games luv… It’s not about you no more… “I know you like me Kelly” She said… What? You know I like you? If I like you, I swear I would have rang you… what kinda dumb statement is that? “Err…okay….” I said… didn’t know what to say… “Why can’t you just stop all this stupid mind games and be for real Kelly… “She said… what is this girl on about… this was becoming annoying… plus I was tired as well… I’ve got work tomorrow morning!!! “You know what… I’ve been looking for a way to tell you this… but I’ve got a girlfriend now… I know I should have told you earlier” I lied… I had to… this is becoming annoying!!! Girls do it all the time to guys so I cant see why I couldn’t use that line too… she was silent for a while… probably lost for words… probably felt stupid… thinking I was on it… come on luv… read between the lines… I haven’t called you for time now and I don’t reply your texts!!! Where’s your game luv??? I couldn’t stand the silence no more and I wasn’t exactly going to reason with her… it’s too late for all that drama and it wasn’t worth it as well… “Errm… I’m gonna go to bed now luv…” I said… she was still quite… “Bye…” I said as I locked off…. Okay that is what I call being bad mind… normal Kelly wont do things like that… But when a girl starts having all this preconceived thoughts about me loving her off and playing mind games when it was clear I wasn’t… it’s jarring and I‘m not feeling that!
And the funny thing is I didn’t feel any remorse for what I just did… I’ve never done something like that before, but her saying something like that is just out of order and I was feeling it at all… why can’t girls just read between the lines… I guess they just like living in denial thinking some guy who seems evidently not on it was going to come back to them with open arms and say something like… “I’m back to do this right…” err… it’s not gonna happen luv…

Wake up and smell the coffee

March 22, 2005

I was having a chat with a mate of mine (we work together), who was sharing with me his “dead” love life… “I’ve never been the type to chirsp a girl or anything, and its kinda funny when I go out with my mates, they all getting numbers and having a laugh when I’m just standing there, looking all the butterflies fly past” he said… I mean he wasn’t ugly or nothing, he was a nice guy, good job... but what was wrong… he was into the entire good guy, gentleman malarkey… “Bruv, I was there once… it doesn’t pay” I told him… which is true... good is nice, trust me… but bad is better… it depends on how you look at the bad… the bad guys gets the birds while the good guys either get the very used ones or don’t get any at all…! I told him about the whole cocky and funny approach… which he didn’t quite get… most guys don’t get it and say something like, you cant use it for all girls because some wont be having it… you been rude to them….That’s all BOLLOCKS!!! Trust me, when you’ve mastered the art of being cocky and funny at the same time… like I say all the time… magical things will start to happen!!!

I remember when I first started using the whole cocky and funny thing… bruv, did I look stupid or what… trust me I was funny from day one… but there was no attitude there… which is simply like a dog with no teeth… it looks the part but there was no edge to it… no fun no adventure… have you thought about it that there are three broad types of men? Forget the good the bad and the ugly… it’s about the 1. Bad boy, 2. The lover and 3. The friend…

The bad boys just attract the women because they offer one of the things women long for… security? Having a guy with all the street cred, and one that will stand up for you any time of the day? And did I mention what women really want? Being cherished and nourished… the bad boy offers nourishment in terms of security and the “no one can touch me” feeling… having the guy everyone knows and fears kinda thing… the thing is this wears out as women get older… and tend to look for a more responsible guy… but the “bad boy” element still has to be there but in minuscule quantity… the bad boy is spontaneous, unpredictable and has the whole sweet and sour side to him… one day he’s “I cant do without you”, the next day he hasn’t called you for a week!!!! The whole women love what they can’t have… or can barely get their hands on…. Imagine… having soapy hands and trying to turn the tap…. You really need the water but then its hopeless… u keep trying and finally you get a grip which you lose almost immediately!!!

Okay, Mr Lover… many guys like to think they are this… but really they are not… they try all the sweet talk, maybe manage to have a few girls swoon over them… what makes a good lover… someone who isn’t selfish, but puts the interest of their lover way before them… many guys may perceive Mr Lover as a dickhead…. Fair enough most of them are… actually rephrasing that… those who think they are dickheads… a real Mr Lover says the right thing and does the right thing at the perfect time (not just the right time)…. These are the guys that have about ten girls swooning over them without even saying anything to them… that’s because they are seen as an epitome of what a perfect guy is because of how they treat some girl they know….

Friend… really most guys are… the friend approach… be friends with a girl and wait for the day, all your dreams will come true and she’ll confess her feelings for you and you’ll become lovers and live happily ever after… this takes forever and the attraction aspect of the relationship isn’t as strong as if it was normal.. in this category, the girl is in it for the personality which sucks… how would you like it if a girl said to you… “I only like you because you’ve got such an amazing personality….”? Guys are very visual… and we all like to be appreciated visually… its funny how you see some guys on the street and while they are walking you think are looking into a store... whereas they are only admiring their appearance via the store windows… you take time out to look at a guy (you’d know the type… thinks he’s all pretty and that)… especially when he comes out of a car, bus or train and look at him… and how he looks at anything which offers him a view of his reflection… There’s nothing bad in the friend approach… its just long….

Therefore the winner approach is merging the three categories together… it doesn’t work easily but if you can achieve it then REALLY MAGICAL THINGS will happen!!! Think about it… girls love being cherish and nourished… the lover does the cherishing, the bad boy offers security (nourishment) and the friend…???? Lets just say he makes a vain attempt at doing both… but a friend always listens which neither the bad boy nor the lover does… the lover has selective memory and hears just what he wants to hear…. “How much you love what he’s giving or doing to you”... such an ego trip for them….

Also can’t stress enough the importance of mastering being cocky and funny…. I’m not there yet but bwoy… I can say I’ve made good improvements… I remember the first time I tried it… I went to some party and saw some girl… who looked young but she wasn’t…. so I went up to her and said hi… all the what’s your name… and because she looked young I thought I should have a go at her… “So how old are you…” “How old do you think I am?”… “Err… you look 14…” Looking back in retrospect… I think I was stupid saying that because she didn’t look 14… but I thought I was being funny…. She looked at me for a bit….and the look on her face just said it all… she didn’t even say anything… she probably thought…”What a loser”… I did a quick sly look around (all guys do this)… to check if anyone had seen or heard what happened… fortunately… I don’t think anyone was listening or watching…. Therefore... practice makes perfect… be prepared for the “You are a loser” look….

NOTE: The whole concept of cocky and funny is to throw a girl off her guards and for her to think… he’s got some balls talking to me like that… but at the same time... he’s funny I think I like him… ONLY use this on girls who you reckon have some self esteem and even if they do... don’t make jokes about what clearly seems like an insecurity…. i.e. making fun of someone’s weight or disability… that’s just mean and you’ll look like a jerk…. Instead… use something that they perceive is a strength!!!

And try not to get yourself slapped!!!!

March 21, 2005

I couldn’t be asked to go over to Louise place last night, one, because I was tired and two because I could see her game and it wasn’t about that… don’t get this twisted she was looking over nice yesterday and wouldn’t mind getting a lil’ sum’um but it was just long and the unnecessary drama that comes after it wasn’t worth it at all!!! So I went over there today… hmm… I don’t know if it’s me but she’s been looking kinda nice nowadays unlike before when she was just standard… she was wearing sweat pants which just made her backside look sumptuous… “I’ve gotta keep my eyes of that thing, because I do something I might regret….” I thought… “Nice TV you’ve got here I said… how come you didn’t get Darren to fix it?” I asked…. “Oh Marie has dumped him... long story, but to cut the long story short, Marie said she kissed some guy and it was good… and can’t see Darren in the same light again…” Louise said… “You wouldn’t happen to know this guy she kissed would you?” I asked… “Not really, she said he was at the party she and her friends threw and she must have kissed him in the bathroom and how he put her on the wall and all that… “She said… “Okay… too much detail…” I said… I was kinda flattered but Marie didn’t have to go into that much detail, was she trying to undermine me or what? That’s when Marie walked in… “Hey… sexy Mr Kelly… fixing our new TV ey?” Marie said and she ate an apple… “Yeap… you ladies need to get a man in the house, to do all these fixes for you…” I said… “That’s where you come in isn’t it?” Marie said… what’s that suppose to mean I thought… did she mean for her or for Louise? “Is it? Don’t get me wrong I’ll be flattered to have two sisters at the same time but…” … “Don’t be stupid…” Louise interrupted… and she wasn’t smiling either… “Okay??? I was just joking…” I said… it felt really weird… I take it if she knew about Marie and I, she won’t wanna see my face ever again…

When I finished setting the TV up, she made me some nice food… after which Marie went to bed… I was on the sofa with Louise… and I knew what she wanted… every lady needs servicing after a while… for some its every week, some every month and some can go on for a year without it! But I knew it was Louise’s time because it was written all over her face....and she had her head leaning on laps… THAT WASN’T HELPING EITHER!!! I didn’t wanna stroke her hair to promote or encourage anything so I kept my hands to myself… which must have been strange to her… If she never did her little emotional outburst maybe everything would still be okay… I don’t think she thought about that before saying what she said… when people do stuff like that it either brings them together (i.e. become a couple) or they just grow apart.. And I think it’s more of the latter now… because I can’t even talk to her about anything now… not even Amerie which we used to talk about…! She then rose up and looked at me as if to say… “So what are you saying…?” before I could even replied in my thoughts… she kissed me… wooowww… hold it tiger…. I withdrew… “We shouldn’t be doing this” I can’t believe I even said that!!! I was as horny as a guy who hasn’t had none for ages (come to think about it… I hadn’t had none for time)… Kelly actually said those words…. It would have been cool before but with her current emotional state, that will be taking advantage… but come to think about it… she could be taking advantage too... like using me for her “servicing”… looking at it that way… I wanted to take her there and then… but like I said it wasn’t about that… I couldn’t go through with it… “Why not?” She asked… THAT’S MY LINE!!!... that’s what I’m meant to be saying… now she was saying it….! “Because…” She was now sitting on me…. Okay… this is getting out of hand… “I know you want it Kelly…” Obviously it looks like I want it because you can feel my boner… but that doesn’t mean I want it… I just aroused!!! Get it? “Naa…” I stood up… slightly shoving her aside… “I do wanna do something with you… but it just doesn’t feel right…” I continued… can’t believe I was saying this… these are chic lines… She looked mortified… I must have killed her self esteem… she’s probably thinking I’m I that rubbish… that this guy is saying no to me and he’s gonna leave…? Thinking about that now… I’m thinking I should have done it to make her happy… BUT NO!!! I got my jacket… “I’m sorry Louise…” Okay its getting weird… I need to crack a little joke to ease the atmosphere…. “Maybe some other time when you wearing something a bit sexier… its not about those sweat pants… I cant feeling nothing…” I laughed… “You are dumb, you know that…” She smiled… at least she smiled!!!

I sat in my car for a while thinking about the scenes that could have followed if I actually went ahead with it… what I could be doing and getting right now… MR SUGAR wasn’t too happy and I could feel him having a fit and cussing… “Shut up you” I muttered to myself… After a while (about 20minutes)… I managed to get the engine running… DAMN IT!! My car stereo wasn’t working… I could do with a slow jam right now!!!

Got home and jumped into my bed… maybe I should have gone through with it… its not about feeling how I was feeling right now…

Super horny!!!

March 20, 2005

Bar One was packed to the brim, even though it was a Sunday night, there were enough people there, maybe it was because of Byron’s drink up which I could say attracted about twenty something people… Everyone was just lounging and chatting away… as usual Byron was chatting to about 5 people at the same time doing his madness… Michael was with Fiona… (Hardly a surprise)… and Mark as usual was trying to mac on a girl… the funny thing about Mark is… if you go to a party with him and you are cotching with him thinking you are in the same boat…before you know it… he’ll be standing next to some girl chatting away… and you are sitting all alone thinking… okay… I should be saying a lil’ something now….

Amerie was there and funny enough was chatting to Louise and Marie… wonder what they were talking about… that’s when Chloe came in… oh my days… you can always count on Chloe to come in all dainty and elegant… she had on a camisole top and linen trousers with some pretty sandals… She saw me from the distance and smile… Byron must have seen her and looked at me like “raw… isn’t that Chloe… how come she’s here?” She walked up to me and gave me some extra special hug… We exchanged pleasantries while I held on to her hands… she looked pretty as usual… and you could see all eyes where now checking her out…. Who’s the new girl Kelly’s on? Mark came along and said hello… all the long time no see talk… Michael wasn’t really a fan of Chloe… he reckoned she was overrated… “So what’s up Mr Kelly?” She said… “Nothing much… Byron’s got a tab… so it’s all free drinks on him… he just signed away some band to some management company… so he’s feeling a bit loaded….” I said… “That’s so nice… you looking sharp Kelly… “Chloe said… looking at my fitted flare trousers… I kinda got self conscious with those trousers… because they were tight around the hip and crotch area and if I hard a hard on… it was easily visible… so I tried as much as possible to think about sheep jumping over a fence… in order not to get a hard on….

I’d just sat next to Amerie…. When she said…”Who’s that girl?”… “Err… my back in the days friend…” I said… “Does she like you?” She asked…. “I wish luv, I wish she did… wish I could kiss her fine lips…” I smiled… “You are so funny aren’t you?”….. “Err… I’m not joking….” I stood up… and walked away… “Err… by the way I was joking…” I said as I blew her a kiss…. She smiled… I love seeing her smile…. Chloe was kinda sitting alone because she didn’t know anyone apart from Mark and Byron (who she didn’t know too tough)… so I sat next to her and we just chatted away… I sometimes caught Amerie having a sneak peek at Chloe and I… didn’t see why she was worried… Amerie was buff… nicer than Chloe, don’t get this twisted, Chloe was nice as well!!! Marie came over and sat next to Chloe and I… “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your new girlfriend… Mr Lover?” Marie said… with her hands sitting comfortably on my laps… “My lovely girlfriend is called Chloe and this is my ex… Marie… I’m so lucky to have been with two lovely ladies….” I smiled… Chloe laughed… “I’m not his girlfriend… I’m the girlfriend he never had…” “And I’m the ex he never had…. Init Kelly?” Marie said… Chloe smiled… “I like your tiffany bracelet…” Marie said to Chloe… I’d excused them to have their lil’ chat… that should keep Chloe busy for some time… I thought I had escaped before Louise appeared in front of me and hugged me… “Kelly, are you avoiding me?” She said… Oh no!!! “Of course I’m not luv…” Of course I was… after her lil’ emotional outburst, I’ve been trying to avoid her… “I was thinking if you could come around tonight… I’ve just bought a new TV, can you come fix it for me…?” She said… whatever… lame excuse… “Errm… I’m not too sure..but I’ll try my best” I said as I kissed her on the cheek… what was that all about she must be asking herself….

Big drama… heard a little raising of the voice… and when I looked Byron’s shirt was soaked with drink and a girl was walking out… It was until later when Byron explained to me the girl was accusing him of moving to her friend when he was saying a lil’ something to her as well… “Putting his bid in he said…”… “It’s not about that… pouring drink on my new D&G couture….

Okay… moving to two friends…. This isn’t for the faint hearted!!! Okay lets say you’ve got a girl you are moving to called A… So you’ve been moving to girl A and she’s kinda having it… and all of a sudden she’s got this choong girl friend and your head starts getting all crazy and you can help but try and say a lil’ sumthing to her and bang you get caught because girls talk!

Keep showing girl A love and talk to her about her friend… like “Your friend looked so nice today… “ ask bare questions… this will make her feel funny… but at the same time reassure her and tell her she’s better than her friend… the whole “you special talk”… thing about it she wont really go to her friend and go… this boy is always talking about you… how you are nice… but I’m better… she’ll keep quiet about it… now to the girl A’s friend… you need to be careful because girls talk and kinda watch out for each other… not unless you are Brad Pitt, then she’ll snatch u away from girl A without thinking about it! You need to show her how much you like girl A in action like let her see how good you treat girl A… and how much love you show her… if this girl aint got a man… she’ll start to see you as the “ideal” guy and will warm up to you… here’s when you take advantage… tell her you like the way she carries on…. And how you’d be luving her off if girl A wasn’t there… just mindless chat… she’ll hardly go back to girl A because you told her already you cant be with her because u like girl A… keep both sides sweet… and ONE DAY ONE DAY!!!! When her guards her down… you’ll get that one special luv… then you can start feeding on her silence because she wont tell girl A about it….!!!

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS BAD… DON’T DO IT… BUT IF SHE’S A CHOONG THING DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO!!!!!

March 19, 2005

Funny how Chloe rang me to tell me, her friend has cancelled on her and she was free for Saturday night, and even though I wasn’t doing anything I told her I was busy… it’s not about the “rebound” thing, but you have to sound busy… I invited her to Byron’s drink up though… funny Amerie is gonna be there as well, and in as much as I hate to say it, Amerie is turning into some sort of girlfriend… “Unofficial” girlfriend… tomorrow should be fun… Michael and Mark are gonna be there… and Fiona obviously… yeah… Louise and Marie as well… and loads of other people….

I went to Bar One today, on my own though… I was so bored at home; I just went to the bar to feast my eyes on the “local” talent… I was kinda friends with one of the barmen, so I was having a chat with him when he was less busy… it’s funny how much you see when you just sit in a corner and observe what is going on… guys trying to talk to ladies… guys trying to be “smooth”… and the odd ones that just sit around and look at the females… and saying something like “Bloody hell, look at that….” And then go home without doing anything! Not even “put your bid” into anything!!! Whatever situation you find yourself in always try to say something!!! Even all you get to say to that girl that night is… “Alright luv?”, she’ll probably give you a fake ass smile or say “yes”… as she walks away say something about her…”like your….” Fill in the blanks… don’t say something offensive...like I like you batty or something crazy… remember the six things to compliment (hair, clothing, bag, shoes, weight or earrings)… she’d probably say “Thank you”… at the end of the day you’ve said something and she’ll probably remember the guy who said something to her… “the compliment” and when she goes to sit down, she’ll probably think about you and go…wonder why he said that… do I really look nice today… big chance next time you bump into her at the party/club (wherever), she’d be more receptive to whatever you wanna say!!! People love people who compliment them!!! ALWAYS REMEMBER…NO MATTER HOW MUCH A GIRL MAKES OUT THAT SHE DOESN’T WANT YOU STANDING NEXT TO HER TRYING TO CHIRSP HER…. GIRLS LOVE GETTING CHIRSPED!!!!!!!

Okay getting a girl’s number… MOST women will respond to you midway between neutral and positive, a normal woman who shout at you and say “GET AWAY FROM ME YOU LOSER!!!” if she says no.. She’ll let you off in an easy way… girls are overrated and are not as “vicious” as guys make them out to be. Okay getting the number...

Don’t think about it JUST DO IT!!!! The more you start to think about it, the more ideas will come into your head... all the worst possible outcomes… will flood your mind… just start walking towards her... or just SAY SUM’UM!!! When you drop one sentence, you are in it… no turning back…. It’s a strategy called “Burning your bridges”… This dates back in history… there was a Spanish conqueror named Cortez, who during a war… burnt all his ships so that his army couldn’t retreat and had to fight the battle! And because he had no option of retreat… he had to fight to win… so use this strategy… and you won’t look back!!! And if possible when you get it… leave the party or the club… just poof!!! (Disappear!!!)

Okay, here is a lil’ exercise… a mental rehearsal… think about yourself in your best gear, and you at this party and here is this buff girl, who’s just walked in and you like “bloody hell, look at that” and you’ve licked your lips whatever you need to do to make you look sexy… I remember this… my brother did this on a next level... when he was young… probably the first time he was going to chirsp a girl… poor boy must have been like 11 or 12… he wrote a quick sketch in this format

I: Hi...
She: Hi…
I: What’s your name…?
She:

Okay you get the point… a sketch dialogue… I’d laughed my butt off… but it was original though, first time I saw something like that… at least he was practicing, saves him the embarrassment of standing in front of the girl and being tongue tied…!!!

Having a little mental rehearsal makes you realize a lot of things and the more you think of something she might say to throw you off, you can think of a grand answer (NOTHING CHEESY THOUGH)… its funny how girls will ask you… “Why do you want my number? Why do you wanna get to know me?” What kinda stupid question is that… it just further shows… girls love being chirsped and fishing for compliments… here is where you game comes in… use your humour and sarcasm (good sarcasm… not one that will get you a slap!!! Or her walking away)… and don’t let anyone tell you about being yourself… its good to be yourself… BUT BE YOUR NEW AND IMPROVED SELF!!! Find your USP and refine your brand… in that sense… you still yourself but just had a face lift…

Big Note!!! Don’t talk about the future… like I really like you…or we should go out sometimes or my mom will love you!!! NO! NO! NO!... and don’t do it the first time you call her as well!!!!

MISTAKES GUYS MAKE!!!

1. Don’t apologise: “I’m sorry to disturb you…but…” JUST SHUT UP!!! I was listening to some man on the TV today, who rang a talk show and said he’s got bad luck with women… and the hostess was telling him his doing the wrong thing… like you know this guy is got some weird programming in his head… he said “When you approach a woman who’s alone… you need to apologize… show respect…” I’m like listen to yourself mate…!!!

2. Don’t reject yourself!!! Many guys reject themselves before they even say approach a lady...some are like “I know you probably don’t wanna…. I know you are busy….” FORGET THAT MENTALITY!!!

3. Common one… some guys just talk to any girl… I a pro-active fan of “Any guy can get any girl”… but if you see this girl is out of your league and you REALLY want her… then you need to up your game and move to her…!

4. Don’t act over familiar
5. Understand her mood… sometimes girls are not just in the mood… so you can be doing the right thing at the wrong time!6. Confidence!!!! Women rather talk to an ugly guy who is confident that a buff guy who gets tongue tied!!!

If you are doing any of these things… BITCH SLAP YOURSELF and do your MENTAL REHEARSAL!!!!

If you forget anything… NEVER!!! Don't forget confidence, humour and BREATH MINTS!!!!

March 18, 2005

It was only a matter of time before it happened, I knew it was bound to happen but I just tried to fight it… but what’s a brother to do? Having a girl like Amerie at your place like every other day and you say you wont do nothing with her… at least I didn’t go all the way with her… but we did about almost every other thing… but it was different… it was like slow motion, I can still smell her (err… okay she still lying here next to me)… I can still feel her over me… and I can still hear the new Mario’s song “Like me real hard” as it was playing on Jenny’s Slow down zone… We’d been kissing for almost 30mins… now call that a record…. Before everything got all crazy… As I lay down there I had a quick flash through all the girls in the past…. Claire had been fantastic… you know when you could do something with someone and be yourself… when it wasn’t about performance… but fun… Lorraine was more of an intimate experience…. I never went all the way with Lorraine but I could say I’d connected with her more than I did with anyone else… Lisa… was cool… she was a bit too freaky… you wouldn’t have thought she’d be like that… she was one of those girls who were so standoffish, you cant even imagine yourself with them… but when you get them you say to yourself….. So is that it? Louise… even though she was older than I was, she wasn’t all that when it came to things like that… Amy… was sweet… even though all I did with her was, kiss her…. And all the other girls who weren’t worth mentioning… at the end of the day, “What have I gained…?” I’d been asked by Amerie the other day, how many girls I’ve kissed… the truth is it was well into double figures now… but I’d told her it wasn’t a double figure… don’t want her all thinking I was all over the place… and I wasn’t going to ask her the same… I wasn’t ready for the answer… it’ll change my outlook of her…. She’d also asked me the crazy thing I’ve ever done… this a funny one…

It was TIME AGO! I was with Mark at a bus stop… I was probably like 17 then… I was feeling like a bad boy then (that phase didn’t last for long… probably a year)… I had my Nike hat (which someone stole like two weeks after I bought it…) Nike hoody, tracksuit bottoms and trainers… (I was impressed with myself… basically your typical black breh… even though I was a bit neeky then…) some girls had walked past us and one said something like “Hey sexy…or something…” man wasn’t used to something like that… so I thought what’s wrong with this crazy ass girl? IMAGINE!!! “Do you know those girls? Do they go to your college” Mark asked… “No… I don’t know them from anywhere…” I replied perplexed…. We got on the bus and just as the bus pulled away…. We saw the girls (three of them)… screaming and waving… (I would have thought I was a pop star or something)… then one of them flashed us… I didn’t even clock… until said… “She flashed us bruv…!” he was damn excited like a lil’ school boy who’d just seen them for the first time… He got up and headed for the stairs…”Lets get off the bus and say something to them…” he said… okay my pulse was racing now… I’d never chirsped a girl or nothing and now I’ll have to be proven... it wasn’t funny (OKAY MAYBE I WAS A LATE STARTER… 17!!!)… It was late as well… around 12… and I didn’t wanna miss my last bus… but I had to get off… don’t ask me why… we got off… and Mark beckoned to the girls to come over.. and they came over from across the road… okay…my pulse was getting faster and faster… it was the one which flashed that came up to me… “You are so cute” she said… “Give me a cuddle…” She requested… I’m like okay… right in the middle of the high street… “I like cuddles….” She continued… “Can I put my hands under your jumper…”….”woow… thanks for asking…” I thought… I was thinking to myself…KELLY SAY SOMETHING!!!! Couldn’t say crap… had nothing to say… err…how about get her number… Mark had been talking to one of the other ones… next thing… the girl asked me to snog her…. I’m like okay… free snog… ey? Don’t ask me why… but I did it… “It was crap by the way… she had nicotine in her breath…” Yukkk!!! Next thing… Mark’s like…. “My bredrin said… will you go down on him”… that say fear kills your mojo and I could have sworn down… it went down faster than I could have remembered!!! Why was Mark pushing me into this!!!??? “I don’t really know you… but if I knew you better… I’d do it….” She said…. RAW!!! Is that me bruv….??? I thought… seen… okay SHE THEN ASKED ME FOR MY NUMBER!!! Come on now Kelly…it doesn’t get better than this… what did I say… I lied to her my phone doesn’t work…. Because I didn’t wanna take her number… because she came across as a jung!!!... like DUH!!! That’s the whole point!!! Anyway they went their way… I went my way… now its left to you to figure out… what the crazy part was… me snogging some random hoochie off the road… or acting so neeky I lost out on some fun….

Amerie couldn’t stop laughing… “Bless you…” She laughed… “Its all good now… you all ladies man now… you haven’t got that problem no more…” she continued… now I can look back and laugh but… it wasn’t funny then... couldn’t stop bitch slapping myself….

It’s funny how Amerie was replacing Louise… Amerie was becoming a girl I could cotch with and I liked her that way as well…

March 17, 2005

I can’t believe who I saw, Chloe!!! Background info, Chloe and I went to University together even though she was a year below me… I met her like two years ago, through a friend at my university… I loved this girl off!!! It was like two weeks after I finished with Claire… she took my mind off Claire like in the twinkling of an eye… Chloe was so pretty and she had really long hair... (I know I'm into short hair… but she was an exception)…. The thing was she had a boyfriend...then I liked her so much... I’ll would have made her wifey instantly... she was so different from every other girls; she respected herself... and so damn smart as well… I went to one of the best universities the in UK and to see a buff girl like her at my university was an eye raiser…. I liked her so much I couldn’t tell her how I felt about her… you know how to tell if a guy really likes a girl? He’s always talking about her… pretty much the same about girls…. Ask all my friends… she was all I talked about… but nothing happened because she had a boyfriend… so we just became good friends… but lost contact after I left university….

I saw her at London Bridge station, and she’d been so pleased to see me… “Looking all professional now hun”… she looked so pretty with her oriental looking eyes…which had a hint of hazel!!! Almond shaped eyes… I called her the girl in red then…because she was wearing red the first day I saw her…. I know I sound a bit passionate about her… because she’s one of the first girls I saw as wifey material…and first girl I introduced to my mum… so trust me I did like her…. We’d gone to Caffé Nero to get some hot chocolate and almond croissants… after the meal… we went on a stroll together… Being the new confident guy I was… I reckon I had to let her know how I felt then even though it wasn’t like we were going to start seeing each other or going out… but she deserved to know… “It’s funny you know…. How I used to like you so much back in the days… but we became good friends… and its weird telling you this”… I said…. “That’s so random… I kinda knew you did…. Why didn’t you tell me? “She said…. “Hmm… because you had a boyfriend?” I said… “Still you could have told me… my boyfriend and I were having problems then anyway and we not together anymore… even though we keep breaking up and getting back together…” We’d talked about the first time we met and subsequent meetings… funny how I remembered everything and she’d forgotten some details… hmm… guess I was the one who was on it then…. “If I’d known you like I know you now and I didn’t have a boyfriend then… things would have been different….” She said… looking at me dead in the eyes….. Okay… is it me or is it getting hot… I fiddled with my tie to loosen it…. “Is it… so you did like me?” I asked…. “Hmmm… you are too brave for me…” …brave…what as brave got to do with anything… “It’s like you know what you want from life… very determined… and got your head screwed on….”…. “Okay now you’ve lost me…” I laughed…. “You are a beautiful person… cute obviously…. And like I said… things could have been different….” She said… I didn’t know if this was the point I should have kissed her... or hugged her… but I managed to say… “Seen…” SEEN!!!!???? Is that all you could say? KELLY COME ON!!!??? “I have to start going now… I told my friend I’ll stop over at her place…. “That’s cool… nice seeing you again” I said… as I hugged her…she started to walk away…. “Errrm… Chloe…” I called… “I was thinking whether you'd fancy going out this Saturday…? Maybe grab something to eat?” I asked…. “I’m going to see my friend in Bristol… but you know what… we can meet up on Sunday…” hmm... I wasn’t so sure about Sunday…. That’s Byron’s birthday…. And he’s having a drink up at Bar One… “Ermm… I’ll squeeze you in…” I said… “What…? You are a joker…” She said…. “Call me….” She continued… and walked into the station…..

Okay!!! you might think…. How come Kelly’s such a ladies man… errmmm it wasn’t the story back in the days… It wasn’t like I was manky back in the days… but I was lacking the confidence which most guys do… I was a good guy, sweet gentleman… until Claire showed me it’s not always about being a gentleman…. I’m kinda saying thank you to her in retrospect…. And like everyone’s dying to find out…. How did you get confident???

Two things… refining my brand and finding my USP (Unique Selling Point)… Your brand is how people perceive you… like the Mercedes brand… you equate that brand to quality…. unlike hearing something dodgy like a Skoda…. So…refining my brand was like moving from a Skoda to a Merc…. You could change this by… changing your appearance… the way you dress… and how you carry yourself… I used to be one of them brehs with no shape up and that…. And USP… only if guys could tap into this… then everyone would be a superstar….!!!! Being yourself!!!!! Your USP is what makes you different from anyone else…. UNIQUE SELLING POINT!!!!! What is your comfort zone…? what makes you happy and tick…?. For me it was my humour… and humour can make a guy 100 times more attractive…!!!! Girls love guys who can make them laugh…. Add a bit of cockiness to it and bwoy…magical things will happen… so guys get your pen out and start brainstorming!!!

What is your USP!!!! Without it…you are a fake guy trying to be someone else… you know you’ve found it when a girl cant put her hands on why she really likes you…. “I just do…. “they say….

March 16, 2005

Hmmm… I’ve noticed too many guys don’t prepare for dates with women, its always best of have a plan in mind before you even think of asking her out!!! Most guys just say… “Do you wanna go you sometimes?” like they are just playing the lottery, you not sure if she’d say yes and you were just wondering and when she says… yeah that’s cool… you say… “So…what do you wanna do…?” Obviously she says “I don’t know!” because she doesn’t know!!!! It’s not her job to arrange the date… IT’S YOUR JOB!!!! You should surprise her and intrigue her….to show her you’ve got something “special” up your sleeve…. Its not her duty to think about where you are going, what time and how she’s going to get there, that’s your job… her job is to say “yes” and turn up on time!!!! Or be fashionable later… not too late for you to think that she’s stood you up!!! I remember going on a date with this girl and I was waiting outside… (Couldn’t go in because her mom was in!!!) And she kept on saying 5 mins, I’ll be out, 5 turned to 10… 10 into 20minutes… I was waiting for a good 30mins…!!! But it was worth it though… we men need to appreciate stuff women do just to please us… making sure every thing on them looks perfect… and its so dumb how so man just don’t say anything…no compliments… just the normal “How come you came out so late…!!!!”… How about… “Hmm… you took your time in there… but I see it was worth it…”… you know the way when a girl gives you a compliment…. Women feel twice better!!!

Okay the date, the cliché is cinema… I think cinema is cool… u get to be with her and you don’t have to say a word to each other… hmmm… not so fun… the cinema is not a great place for the first date… not unless, you’ll grab something to eat before or after the cinema… so you get to talk…. Cinema has been so oversubscribed it’s become a means to getting “piece”… cinema piece is not great anyway!!! The space is too confined and you’ll be disturbing other people… a date is just a meeting arranged in advance… it could be meeting up for lunch, going to a gallery, eating out… or cinema… most guys give an excuse about going other places is long… and that’s a long ting!... no its not… its just a dumb excuse because you being lazy or don’t know the means in doing stuff like… “Reserving a table at a restaurant…” or “booking tickets for an exhibition”… and you need to learn all this stuff… because as you grow older… cinema won’t always cut it!!!

Okay greetings… wherever and whenever you meet a woman on a date…. NEVER SHAKE HANDS!!!! This is no busy meeting in Tokyo or something…. Reach out and touch her arms and draw her gently towards you (GENTLY!!!)… And give her a QUICK!!!!! Peck on the cheek, don’t slobber over her!!! There at least you’ve got a kiss!!! And say something like… “Nice seen you… you look nice…” Don’t forget the 6 things to compliment... obviously don’t mention all the six!!! After all she’s spent forever getting ready… so the least you can do is notice… don’t forget the hair… (that’s if she made an effort…” you look amazing, I love what you’ve done with your hair….”… she’ll smile… people love other people who make them feel special and welcome… and before you know it… she’ll be warming up to you!!!!

Body language!!! Pay attention to her body language!!!! Women are subtle and sometimes body language is the only means you’ve got to knowing what’s going on in their heads… I'm not a fan of all the flicking her hair and that… that’s bollocks… here are a few of my favorites
1. Positioning… if she opens her body to you by turning towards you… it’s a good sign…!!! Shows she’s interested in what you are saying and inevitably you… if her body is facing away from you… hmm… you might as well call the date a day or work on your communication skills… or have a breath mint… (Goes without saying….before any date… freshen your breath, by stopping at the gas station to get some mints!!! I’m not a fan of chewing gum, before when you want kiss you have to get rid of the chewing gum with style, which is not very attractive)

2. Licks her lips… this is unconscious and she doesn’t know she’s doing it and she’s just wetting them for “engagement”

3. Smiles… If she smiles… you need to work out what kinda smile it is… friendly or sexually charged smile… watch her eyebrows… if they are slightly raise… she definitely interested!!!

4. Touching… if she touches you on your arm, wrist or hand… don’t get this twisted… and grab her too!!! Like I said… the finger playing thing… if she plays back… she’s interested… I call it… “The finger interrogation….”

5. The playful…. “You are so dumb….” If it’s not playful… then you doing all the wrong things bruv… fix up!!!

Your body language… it’s so easy how you can ruin your chances by not minding your body language!!!

1. Eye contact… its so important… like they say… the eyes are the windows to the soul… you can send and pick up so much from little changes in eye language…..

2. Lean in when you talk to her… since you start off apart…. Move closer as her defenses start to “soften”…. And SAY SOMETHING….!!! Like a compliment or secret…. This is the time NOT TO OVERDO THE LICKING OF THE LIPS!!!! Once your lips are wet enough… say something into her ears… to make a slight brush… on her ears RESIST STICKING YOUR TOUNGE IN HER EAR OR BITING HER EAR LOBES!!!! THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR THAT!!!! DON’T FORGET FRESH BREATH!!! CANT STRESS IT ENOUGH!!!

3. Touching….touching is cool as far as you don’t try to touch any dodgy areas!!! I’m not talking about patting on the back… I’m talking about… sweet touching gestures lie… touching her arm…. Or moving a strand of hair (real hair or weave… whichever) out of her face while talking to her… and on your way to the car, bus stop… put your arms around her… she’ll warm up to you… don’t think about it…. Because the more you do… the more you’ll think it’s not appropriate….

THE KISS!!!! That’s the moment you’ve been waiting for…. And you owe it to her to make it feel special… I always say it to women… you should be worried about your man kissing some next woman than sex… kissing is the most intimate form of sexual interaction….! The first kiss is the best part… and the other ones are just routines…!!! Techniques… keep it short and sweet!!! No tongues… just lips…. Then withdraw and say something like “Wow… that was nice….” Before going back for round tow… DON’T GET IT TWISTED… THE FACT THAT SHE’S KISSING YOU DOESN’T MEAN SHE’S ASKING YOU TO TOUCH ALL HER LOVE BUTTONS!!! RESIST THE TEMPTATION!!!!

Savour the moment like “fine wine”… take your time… she’s not going anywhere…. Plus… you should always leave her wanting more… not trying to fight you off….!!! End it this way…. Pretend you’ll kiss her and when she comes the “other 10%” he he he…. Back off… and say… “Hmm… I have to let you go... or else we’ll be here for ages…”


Always works!!!! Good luck in giving that lady… the best date of her life….!!!

March 15, 2005

I called Louise like all day today, and she won’t answer my phone calls, what was this girl’s problem? Isn’t she meant to be my friend? Okay maybe I should have told her Amerie was in the house instead of saying “it’s not a good time” it wasn’t though, because I was still thinking about what Lorraine said… I was kinda shocked still, she still had feelings for me…. I guess that’s what I wanted to find out ever since I saw her on Sunday. Her boyfriend must be pissed, your woman still loving some next man off… it sucks but I think its ubiquitous nowadays… you cant run-away from it…. Not unless you go to some remote island to get a wifey!!!

I went to Louise’s place but she wasn’t in… Marie was in though and I swear down, that girl is crazy!!!, she asked me to wait, that Louise would soon be back…. Okay, I thought that was nice of her, trying to help… until this girl came over and sat on my laps… trust me it didn’t take long for me to rise… she was so pretty and she knew what she was doing…. “So what’s going on between you and Louise, she came in all upset yesterday…” She said…. Her eyes looked really nice…like they could read what I was thinking… (Having her there and then)… “I don’t know… she’s freaking out on nothing….” I said, trying to without information…. “She said, you were a selfish prick… and how you had no consideration for other people’s feelings…. I tried prying for more info but she said she didn’t wanna talk about it….” Marie said… “She’s just been paranoid…” I said…. She kept on looking at me…. Which I thought was quite weird…. “How’s Darren…? He’s not lurking somewhere in here is he?” I said… “Hmm… then I wont wanna do this, will I…” She said as she kissed, and caressed my hair… I was starting to love that hair thingy women do… I’m not cutting my hair anytime soon!!! “What are you doing…?” I said after kissing her back for a second or two… “I can’t be doing this with you, I swear you’ve got a man…” What was I talking about, I wanted to be doing this!!!! But it just didn’t feel right… not with Amerie, Lorraine who have been lingering in my head… and in addition, this is Louise’s place… it takes the piss!!! Like I was right… Louise walked in… “What are you doing here?” She asked… “What you wont even say hello?” I asked… “I’ll leave you two love birds alone” Marie said as she walked out of the sitting room… “I’m really tired right now and I’m not in the mood for entertaining any visitors….” She said… I felt quite stupid though, she was practically asking me to get out of her house…. These kinds of situations are weird… if you stay, you look like a fool, if you leave, you look like a fool… what was I to do…. Hmm… good idea… I went up to her and gave her a hug…. “I do care about you Louise, I know you’ve got a reason to be mad… but if I walk through that door and never came back… are you telling me you’ll be cool with that….?” I let go and walked towards the door…..”Say something…..” I hoped…. “Wait…” She said… “I felt really offended yesterday with the whole Amerie thing… and seeing Lorraine yesterday, just threw me off… I thought I was cool with us being friends… and when I saw Lorraine, she looked so beautiful and everything I wasn’t, she was… I can see why you really like her… and I just felt low… Kelly I care about you too, and I really like you… am scared to say I love you….” Okay this is getting deep… “When we did things together… you made me feel so special… you took your time which kinda made me think, I was the only one… but I know you don’t like me like that, and I’m trying to adjust to that… I can’t bear to lose you as a friend…. “ She was now sitting…. “Arrgghh…” I thought.. Why was she bringing this up… I sat next to her and gave her a hug… and kissed her forehead… “I couldn’t bear to lose you as a friend too…that’s why I came down today….” I said…. “I know… I know…” She said…. Okay.. I can’t leave now, but I want to… this was getting really weird… I stayed for about another 30 minutes… before she said she was going to bed…

Amerie came over today again and stayed over…. We had a lil’ cook up, bare jokes… we’d had so much fun… the thought of kissing her never popped into my mind… which is kinda weird… it was about 1am when my phone rang… I was half asleep… but Amerie picked it up…. And it was Lorraine… she handed me the phone with questioning look on her face… as if to say…”What is she ringing at this time for…?”

“Kelly, can you talk?” She asked… what kinda dumb question is that, you called my phone at this time of the day and asking me can I talk? “You might as well, now that you woke me up….” I said… I stood up and walked to the kitchen to talk to her… because Amerie was in the bedroom…

“I’m sorry about last night…. I kinda freaked out when I saw all those women at your place… I expect you to have moved on…. But I just couldn’t stand the fact that some other women were probably having what we used to have before… it sounds silly, but I thought I should let you know….” Lorraine said… “Apology accepted… I still do care about you too, but you’ve got your life to live, and I’ve got mind and we’ve spoken about this… we want different things in life… so it’s not going to work…” I said… I was so tired… I think I had a cold too…. “I love you Kelly” She said after a long silence which I’d been praying she’d say she was tired and was going to bed…. Why is she saying that!!!!!!! What do you expect me to say!!!!??? “I love you too??????” Sometimes I don’t know if that phrase is meant to be a question…. I didn’t wanna say it back… “You’ve got a boyfriend…Lorraine…!” I said… “You don’t feel the same do you?” Lorraine said…. “Things have changed Lorraine…. I spent enough time thinking about us after you left…remember you were the one who wanted to ‘find’ yourself…. I can’t say I love you….” I said… “But… “ I could hear sobs now… I’m not ready for these emotional moments… she was the one who suggested we broke up and now she was trying to make me feel guilty… “But what?” I asked… “Nothing… “ She said… doesn’t matter…. “Okay… I’ll leave you now….” She sobbed again… I wish I could be here for her, but I was tired and I had work the next day… and my smooth face was starting to develop some rashes… I’ve been depriving myself of sleep… sleeping at mad hours recently… “Bye, Lorraine… “ I said… as I came off the phone… why were all these women giving me all this emotional malarkey now!!!...

“That’s weird… phoning you up at this mad hour… I know you said she was your ex and all that but…” …. “I’m knackered…. Cant talk right now…” I interrupted… as I kissed her on the lips goodnight… and face the other side… I could feel her eyes on my back… I felt sorry for Amerie, who was caught up in all this…. What was a brother to do though….? Louise…. Lorraine???

I’m kinda happy things are cool with Amerie… we weren’t getting physical and I was cool with that… I thought about Lorraine’s boyfriend… his girlfriend was busy crying her heart out to some next man…. Are relationships ever fair??? And who was to blame? It wasn’t like I ran game on Lorraine… I proper liked her…. But she suggested we spend time apart…. And she travelled out of the country.. It was so hard…. I kept on thinking of the times we spent together… our first date… our last night… it was all like a dream… but the funny thing is I didn’t want her back… I admired her but I couldn’t see myself with her…

I was quite happy with the homie/lover/friend flex with Amerie….