March 30, 2005

Went to my parent’s place after work today, haven’t seen them for about a week now, even though I speak to my mom every now and then on the phone… The family home was in Purley even though I’d grown up in Streatham… My dad had always wanted a big house with a drive way and a gate, now he had it… he also loved cars! Maybe all men do, but my dad actually loved cars… his first love was a Jaguar, which he never bought, he used a Merc S500 and later moved to the new BMW 7 Series which he was currently using… my dad was cool even for a man in his mid-fifties… we were good friends which hardly any guy my age was with his dad… we’d only become good friends about two years ago (when I was 20), before that we were cool, but I couldn’t really talk to him about personal stuff, I was going through… but we first start talking after my break up with Claire, because he knew about her and he kinda thought she was good for me, even though he persuaded me to give her a second chance.. which I did but things just weren’t the same with her… after that, every other girl which I told him about wasn’t good enough… which was cool, I loved my dad and listened to everything he said…

I helped my mom out in the kitchen where she was preparing dinner (which was a very late one at 9pm!)… I was close to my mom, but shied away from telling her personal stuff like relationship matters with her… because she had very stringent views on them… so I spoke to my dad about stuff like that… My dad had started the conversation asking me about my car and when I was going to change it… The Audi was cool… but he didn’t like because it was a roadster (two doors), and was always going on about what would happen if he asked me to take him and my mom somewhere, where would they sit? He had a point, but I thought the Audi was so sexy, that’s why I bought it in the first place… he also didn’t like it because he thought it was too small for a tall geezer like me and reckoned I should get a 4X4 like the ML or X5… I laughed… my bank account wasn’t strong enough for that, even though I could get an ML for about 20-something grand, but I wanted something top of the range and which was relatively new if not brand new… after a while we moved to my job, which was cool and going great…. Then like I knew the question was coming up… “So who is the special lady?” he asked… hmm... tricky question… really there wasn’t anyone who was exclusive but if I had to say anyone it would have to be Amerie and how would it sound if I said she was on holiday with her ex??? It wont sound too good to the ears… my dad being one with strong family values, which I had too… had high expectations from whoever I brought home… and so did my mom… that’s why I had such a difficult choice in choosing a wifey!!! She could be alright and buff, and everyone would be like “wow! I see what you working with” but is she really wifey material? My dad had this “radar” thing which he could tell who was good and who wasn’t… so to save myself from disappointment, it wasn’t about bringing someone home and my dad going… she’s not right for you… even though he respects my views and choices…. I also wanted to make him happy and bring someone who he’d like… he liked Claire, wasn’t a big fan of Lorraine and I didn’t even bother introduce Lisa to him because I knew that was a big NO NO!!! My dad never met Chloe, but my mom did and she loved her… she thought she was really beautiful and had a good character which obviously was true…

“Err… no-one special, I’m still taking my time to find the right one… but I’m seeing this girl, she’s not my girlfriend, but I think she’s cool” I told him about Amerie… he reckoned she sounded cool… and he had this view that its cool for you to bring a girl home, but if I wasn’t serious with her (a long term relationship prospect), I should introduce her as a friend, that’s why I didn’t bother bring Lisa home, because I didn’t see her long term and I don’t know how she’d feel if I told my dad in front of her… “This is my friend, Lisa”…. That’s why most of these girls misunderstand me… I’m not a playa or anything close to that, I’m just a good guy looking for the right woman, and I wont ask a girl to be my wifey until I thought she was the one and I was ready to be in a long term relationship with her…

I left my parent’s place around 11pm… so I still had time on my hands to mess about for some time… I was going to go see Byron but he said some girl had asked him to come fix her pipes… like Byron knew anything about plumbing… any excuse to get a guy to come over… I think she meant she needs servicing not her pipes… lucky Byron… he was probably getting busy right now…

Come to think about it… I haven’t had any for time now… I wasn’t addicted to it or nothing… I was never the type to go out of my way to sleep with just any girl, I was very selective when it came to stuff like that… I’d only been with less than five women… and I remember the first time I attempted to cheat… it was with Claire… there was this girl who loved me off… and kept on asking me to come over… but I wasn’t really on it…so one day I said, I might as well but I’ll try not to do anything… so I went to this girl’s place… and we started kissing and crap… things were getting intense… next thing I knew, this girl is asking me to sex her… I’m thinking… what? I had a girlfriend… and she knew!!! That was the first time I knew some girls actually carried condoms with them… because ever since then I thought it was the man’s responsibility so I never carried any as a deterrent, because I would never do anything without one on… it wasn’t about that…THAT’S NOT GANGSTA! Okay fair enough, I thought, this girl is looking so good… I might as well do it… Claire won’t find out… and ALAS!!!! Mr Sugar wasn’t saying anything!!! I’m like what the **** is going on here… the girl was like??? You should have seen the look on her face…. She was cool though, she didn’t like chuck me out of the bed and throw me out of her house…. She reasoned with me and was like, it’s probably because I had a girlfriend and its psychological… that was the day I knew Mr Sugar had a brain of its own… the next few days was HELL!!! It affected me psychologically, I never had a boner for 2 days… and trust me TWO DAYS WITHOUT A BONER IS HELL!!!!... But I saw Claire some days after that and lets just say… I GOT MY MOJO BACK!!! I can laugh about it now, but then it wasn’t even funny…. I later told Claire about it… after which she flipped! but later got over it… at least I didn’t sleep with her, even though I told her I didn’t touch the girl but she wasn’t dumb enough to believe it!!! It was probably because I loved Claire off, Mr Sugar wasn’t saying anything… because the first time I officially cheated on a girl (Lisa) with Louise… Mr Sugar was more than willing…. Which is jokes… I wouldn’t do it again though… it’s not about cheating!!! THAT’S NOT GANGSTA!!! I probably did it because Lisa was jarring me already and wanted to finish it with her anyway….

It’s cool now though… I got home and spoke to Chloe my new “platonic” friend… its nice to have someone who cares about you… I could say Chloe cared about me a lot… close to the way Lorraine had…. Lorraine cared about me a lot… so did Claire… even though she never showed it until we broke up… which was pointless… Lisa was just like whatever….

Really I can say I’ve met only three special women in my life… Claire, Chloe and Lorraine… only heaven knows where Claire is, Chloe is meant to be my “platonic” friend and Lorraine had left the country again….

…it’s cool by me though… I’m confident I’ll find that lucky woman… very soon… hmm… but how soon is soon?