So... what's your number?

When is the right time to ask for her number? After a minute, five minutes, ten minutes, next time you see her? It’s a subjective matter… there is no set time to ask for it or give it. Sometimes I look back and ask myself… how come she never gave me her number or how come she never called me when I gave her my number? It wasn’t like I was looking crusty… then it all came to me… you know the light bulb appearing over your head… it came to my mind there are stages between you meeting a girl and she becoming your girlfriend/ or whatever else you want her to be.
Lets break this down… you’ve seen her walk into the club all looking nice and you think to yourself… that’s me… I’m going to go over there and let her know what’s up. You do a quick run to the gents… checking yourself in the mirror to see nothing is out of place… you stare deep into your eyes looking to see what she sees when you does the same… you pop a tic tac into you mouth… you want to make this easy on her… you look at yourself once more and you know you are good to go… you walk confidently over to her… freeze frame… what do you say? “Hi, my name is Kelly, what’s yours?” let me give you a quick word… she doesn’t want to know… she doesn’t care… and she’s doesn’t want to share her personal details with you… okay she looks you up and down and thinks not bad looking… she says… “Lucy…” and then you start talking… asking questions… “So how old are you?”, “do you come her often?”, “what do you do?” just stop right there!!!! Is this some quiz show? Or some interrogation??? You may have done this before and after three minutes, you ask for her number and she gives it to you… and you think “I’m the man!”… but then she call her and she tells you she’s busy… or you find it very difficult to make conversation with her…. HELLO!!! Can you blame her? You are a stranger mate…! To be honest… you might get away with it… maybe for the reason that she actually likes you, thinks you are nice and wants to know you… but really what are the chances of that…? We all don’t look like Wentworth Miller or Morris Chestnut!!! I was out the other day and was talking to two friends… one said I was “Look at his eyes… he’s so beautiful”….(oooOOOh… is that me?) and the other said… “I can’t see it…”… I’m like “Am not ugly am I?”… She’s like “You not attractive either…” Two friends, two different opinions… so it’s all a lottery isn’t it… so when is the right time to get the number… What if I told you that, that’s the last thing that should cross your mind… why do you want her number? So that you can see her again right? Stop and ask yourself… why of all people should she want to see you again? Ask yourself why would I want to see someone again…? Rapport… that’s the word… you want to see people who you have a rapport with… so how do you build rapport… definitely not by a barrage of questions… why not talk to her for once…. Talk! People say women like talking about themselves… fair enough… but not to a stranger… Back to rapport, what is Rapport?
“Rapport is one of the most important features or characteristics of unconscious human interaction. It is commonality of perspective, being in "sync", being on the same wavelength as the person you are talking to.”

What if I told you that you could artificially create rapport?
“Hi my name is Kelly, what is yours?”
“Lucy”
“Lucy, I feel like I know you already, my close friend back at uni is called Lucy, she’s such a nutter, made me laugh all the time… she was meant to be here today, but something came up last minute… but who cares… here’s another Lucy… so Lucy, nice hair you’ve got… is it real…”
Freeze frame… you see what happen… “In sync”… the more things you share with someone, the more at ease you feel with them…. So you’ve got something in common with the name Lucy… next thing you need to disarm yourself as a threat… beautiful girls need to protect themselves… from the myriad of losers who always try it… so throw something cheeky… “nice hair… is it real?” she’ll smile… good thing… the more smiles the better… also “Lucy…” make sure you use her name in conversation… it puts a more intimate tone to the conversation… body language… avoid leaning in…. even when the music is loud… in a conversation…every conversation someone involved is trying to build rapport…!!! When you are with her… you know you are the one trying to build rapport… but you don’t have to show everyone around that you are the one trying to build rapport… because that lowers your social value… you are drawing attention to yourself… stand firmly and talk out loud and confident… if she cant hear you, she will lean in… and to everyone else…. She’s the one trying to build rapport…. Whatever she says… try to build a bridge… try to relate to it…. Tell her little stories… about 60secs in length… about yourself…. Build this little stories in intervals tell about three of them (obviously in relation to the direction of your conversation…) after about three… tell her a long one… that’ll last about 3 minutes… and make sure you are carrying her along…. How do you ensure you don’t bore her??? There’s something called multi-threading… tell a story that could go in at least three different ways… for example…
“This place is really nice, I like the décor and lighting…. The first time I came here was for my friend’s birthday drinks… also the first time I got completely hammered….” Now looking at the one statement… potential threads could be… (1.) your interest in décor and design (2.) your friend’s birthday drinks (3.) your friend (4.) the day you completely got hammered etc… at every thread, you should be able to jump to any thread in the array… i.e. your friend’s birthday drinks… tell her what happened… if you see she’s getting bored… jump to your friend… how he became your friend… his/her personality… jump to you getting hammered… by tying the current thread to the one you jumping to… i.e. Your friend’s crazy personality… even though he knew you were getting smashed he kept on buying you more shots… then jump to the hang over… and how you swore you would drink anymore… also a thread could break into further threads…. At the end of the day what you want is for her to get to know you… not the other way round…. She’s heard so much about you and she feels like she knows you already… because you’ve told her about yourself (which many guys don’t do… all you do is ask questions… “so what are you saying… you looking kinda nice… let me call you…)…. And since she feels she knows you… and you kinda share things in common… i.e. Lucy, your love for design and décor… maybe you’d even discover you know the same person/people… it wouldn’t feel weird when you ask for her number… and she’d readily give it to you… and when you call her… you’d continue from where you left off….

See? It’s a thing where it’s not a thing…!!!

Kelly

::RAHEEM::

For the past few weeks iv'e been thinking about the subject of time and i know you guys are probably thinking 'oh not a another topic' but time is serious. It's funny how things change over time, like don't you ever think back to when it was just you and that special someone (even though you had other girls on the side), this is to the girls too(sly female players)...and you think back to them days, when it was just you, your people and that £2 day travelcard when you go on your linkages... whatever happened her, him, them. Time is dangerous(seriously), depending on how we use it, this aint no tutorial at all, it's just what's on my mind. Go back to Rafael's post on Chaos Theory titled 'The Lord works in mysterious ways', its sort of like the broad of what's going on in my head right about now.

OK, quick update.
Grace(the ex girlfriend)- my relationship with Grace is fading away very slowly over time, i guess everything is not as you'd expect it to be. We hardly even talk anymore and when we do it's not like we used to(the usual running down of my T-mobile minutes) so i guess thats dying. The pages of the past is burning slowly, soon its all just going to be memories.

Winnie(umm...ok its complicated..hehe) i spoke to Winnie, she's changed, reaks with confidence, it's like shes developed some next kind of game going on for her. Definately got some confidence now, which shocked me at first(nothing ever shocks me) because she was so basic before, i'd give IT to her and she'll take it. I'm guessing she's in some sort of relationship but i won't give her the satisfaction of caring(i really don't)..ha. That's another member of my past thats slowly dying down in terms of communication.

This is what happens when you don't keep in contact over time, lol, it's like watching people grow up for most of your life and then you don't see them for years then all of the sudden you recognize your high school crush at that get-together and they have changed so much. It's part of life, things change, people change, you move to different locations and adapt to your environment just like i did at university. Who knows what's in store of the future, do we really have the power to determine what happens in our future life? will i get married and have kids or never get married and have kids(even though i prefer the former)...? people say that we will all end up where we are meant to be, but the big question is 'where ARE we meant to be?' we make decisions in life that determine which of the billions of routes/scenarios we can take to determiner our future...just something 2 think about.

University is getting a bit too predictable for me, and i HATE routines, same faces, day by day. For the last couple of weeks i've been talking one of the many girls i am 'talking' to in university. Her name is Sharon. She's nice, very nice, other guys say she's the nicest girl in the university but i dont get involved in all that hype of judging girls, it ruins my mindset, her looks is not the focus, it's her. What i've learnt is that beauty is common but it's all about personality and a great outlook on life(not saying i dont like buff girls..hehe). I've been seeing her for a while now(1 month..ha), sleeping over etc, things leading another etc. Nobody knows apart from me and her, at least that's what i thought until when my boy Andrew said "Bruv you know that Sharons mouth is big? i know you two are doing a thing" im like WHAT!!!! i swear i never told anyone about this, not even Andrew...apparently, she told her friend(not her best friend) about me and her and her best friend told Andrew....I MEANN..that is so waste...it aint like ive shown her all what Raheem's about, and she's bragging already. Sharon is sexy and all but her character aint good enough, she's too soft, easy to manipulate and always depends on people, and i can't work with that, i like challenges, she doesn't pose a threat to me so it's boring..lol...so i'm contemplating on her best friend, Tracey,she's so sexy, not as nice as Sharon though, but she's good, chocolate skin, body like a coca-cola bottle, sexy hair(i luv hair, hers is REAL too!!). Now Tracey is faistyy...just like i like my ladies, someone that can stand up for themselves when approached on the street by hoodlums, instead of screamin like some duck and running away leaving their man to get battered. Traceys dress sense is emaculate, straight up H$My. I would prefer a decent looking girl with a heavy dress sense as oppose to a BUFF girl dressing like she going for a jog(kmt)....So Tracey might be an option, Sharon aint ready for this heat i'm bringing u see it!!!!
Ladies please don't think i'm some bad dude the way i'm talking about girls like this, i'm just another brother trying to find 'miss right', but the only difference is that intend on seeing different girls in paralell instead of seeing them in series(long periods/relationships) which is a waste of time really like jagged edge said "we aint getting no younger", so i will go through as many till i find the one for me and i will not do it in a sly way either, I WILL COME RIGHT UNDER THE RADAR!!hehehahahaa

Ended the day today with a glance at myself in the mirror, its not a vanity thing, it's just a thing i do once in a while, it's funny when you see yourself changing...not the same as last night, or the night before....my eyes are reddish from the tiredness and my hair is nappy(style) as i look at my being in the mirror...

Raheem xxx(kisses to the girls onli, dont av a sign 4 d fellas yet..hehe)