The Icebox diaries

The icebox diaries is based on TRUE EVENTS, so don't be suprised by some of the things you will see in forthcoming posts, this is why i haven't really been in the swing of blogging for a while, i've just been living and experiencing things, i guess u cant really know where u are going until you know where you are coming from. Dudes, i've been places, now is the time for me to tell the story....heheheahaaha(rubs hands together).

After my long period of suffering from the ugly 'ONE-ITIS' i finally "patched" things up with Sasha. For a long time i was being cold with her, not answering her calls, text messages or emails(ok maybe she didnt go as far as emailing me). I finally got to a stage where i kept trying to clear her out of my head and flush every ounce of emotional feeling i had for her, it worked out alright. .But you are probably wondering why i was like this towards her. Ok, here's the deal. She is beautiful, and when i say beautiful, im talking literally CHOONG!, Sasha is one of the most prettiest girls i've dated. Note, i said 'dated', which means no committment right? Ok, this is where the problem lies. Shes a pretty girl, im a fine ass brother sounds good right? hmmm...well not good enough. In uni, she's miss hot thang, all the brothers want her etc. But does that mean i should feel privelaged by getting her to the level where i have gotten her to?(Phase two of the butterfly love theory...see previous posts) She speaks to a lot of guys.....ok a lot more than 'a lot' and i find this funny. Now, the main issue is trust, i dont think i can ever trust this girl and that is a problem, she trusts me, but i dont trust her, funny aint it? Now we have come such a long way for things to all go pear shaped. I must admit, this is the most messed up situation i've gotten myself into in a very long time. So its a thing where, if i can't trust you, what's the point?
I told Sasha that i wish we could be closer but the relationship she has with her 'best friend' (who is also MY friend, and is also a MALE) WILL make that very very difficult. And i have come to the conclusion that i can never compromise my levels/standards. No matter how much i try to accept the fact that she talks to a lot of guys, it wont change the fact that i can never move things forward with a girl like that, i dont care what the situation is. So.....whats the solution?....there isn't one, i can completly shut her off, but i'd be kidding myself because i like her being around, i can show her love and attention but that will compromise my mentality of being ME...because some next 'badboy' can come along and snatch what i've built with hard work...lol...so........

....well my next step is to act. It sounds crude and sinitser but its my way or the highway now. I told her i trust her so much more(but i feel the exact opposite) and told her that i have a problem with the fact that she talks to other guys and by her talking to other guys creates barrier to the level me and her can reach with eachother, it's the only way, so i guess i'm showing her from now so she's not suprised when she finds out im seeing someone else because i got fed up and found someone better. ;-) .....Sahsa aint going anywhere for now.

The IceBox diaries begin. Stay Locked

Why say yes in the first place?

I really have to know if it’s me or happens to everyone in general. Have you ever had that one girl you met and you were so excited about, next thing you talking on the phone and you ask her out (agree to meet up to do some fun activity… no! it’s not what you think). You didn’t force her or pressure her into it… easily and freely she says “Yes, I’d love to.” You come off the phone thinking to yourself… “Wow! Is this really me…? I’m going to see her this weekend… YES!!!” Depending on what day you ask her out (preferable Wednesday… to go out during the weekend…. Monday means, you’ve put too much thought into it…. Friday means… it’s a booty call… Wednesday is just perfect). Thursday and Friday come, and you cant stop thinking about seeing her on Saturday… you’ve told your mates you’ve got this fantastic date on Saturday.
Saturday afternoon, you’ve just got your car washed, feeling happy and proud (or gone down to the corner shop to get your bus pass/travel card if you not so mobile). Saturday evening… just when you are about to jump into the shower… you get that text message… your heart skips a bit… normally you are excited to get text messages right? You open it and see her name… you swallow hard… you know what’s in there… you know what she’s about to tell you… you’ve got no choice now… you have to open it (well you can delete it…).

“I’m so sorry, I can’t make it tonight… [I have to do something for my mom I’m still at work I’m feeling a bit sick I’ve just got back from work, and I’m so tired].”

Well… you’ve just being flaked! Here’s the hardest part… what do you do after you receive that text? Ignore it and never mention it? Call her and try to persuade her? Text her back and tell her off for ruining your weekend? Empathize with her? Try to get the next date?

To be honest with you, I don’t have the right answer… when this happens to me… I’ve done all of the above… I’d like to know what the right answer is though because it’s really annoying. Correct me if I’m wrong… but if a girl was really into you and really like you and wanted to see you… she’d make every effort to see you… I’m only left to try to explain things from my point of view…. It’s something I’ve done myself… I’ve flaked a few girls myself… and I’ve never had a genuine reason for flaking her… it’s usually because… something better had come up… a party somewhere (where there’s a possibility of meeting someone better), someone else to go out with, just wasn’t into seeing her as much as I did when I asked her out… As far as I’m concerned, there’s no good reason to flake someone out… not unless, you are sitting on a hospital bed!

If she doesn’t suggest another time, then she really wasn’t into meeting up with you! But back my original question… why say “Yes” in the first place?

Can anyone woman answer this question?

ONE-ITIS

ONE-ITIS

One-itis is a natural thing that most guy succomb to. As in The dreaded "One-Itis," otherwise known as the ailment of liking that "One Special Girl" and wanting her more than any other woman on earth. A want so intense, that it's actually painful. Here it is, you put your all in one girl, dying down every other girl in your life just because ur scared to lose this girl, but this girl might not even like u as much as u think she does or as much as u like her....and shes probably got some male 'special friend' that shes always with, but ur instincts always tell u that they might av a thing going on but u just die down ur insecurities and drive past ur instincts...so later on as time goes by....you discover that you have been wasting ur time all along trying everything with this one special lady because all along she has been seeing other guys because(its not in the contract that she stays exclusive to you because you are not officilally going out) .

But my point is id rather be single than suffer from 'one-itis' and get played for a fool by a girl, because if i dont stay single im always gona have a mentality that everygirl that comes along can be a potential 'player' so i will NEVER take her seriously. Sounds harsh but i guess it's just a defence mechanism after suffering from such an illness. In fact, the funny thing, is that some guys actually love the feeling(once they are in it) becuase they feel that they are in total control, but on the outside, everyone else can see what is happening, your boys, your friends, even your female friends.

Guys leave comments if you've ever suffered from this, girls mind find it a bit 'controversial' as some felame friends don't see why it's an illness, but let's see what the fellas have to say about it.

Peace, Peace and Piece.

Raheem

First Dates/Job Interviews

I wise man once said to me... That "Dating is like an employer who is seeking a specialist employee, you are looking for the right candidate so you take as many cv's and offer as many jobe interviews as time constraints will allow hoping that amongst the rabble you will find the piece of gold that seems to elude the common man." Okay it was only Rafael but that is neither here nor there...

Now this is seemingly simple, but then job interviews aren't first dates are they. With one person coordinating whilst the other desperately tries to impress. At least I hope so otherwise I have been going desperately wrong.

You see I had a series of first dates in the last week, and due to my over critical mind i analysed each after in order to measure the response that I got, most importantly a second date.

First we have a Tamara, a well educated, middle class sweet and pretty girl who suffered from a "Daddy's Little Girl Complex". We ended up at this lovely restaurant in Surrey Called Indiya Indiya, it's quite discreet so it offered the required level of intimacy for two people who were just getting to know each other. She was a genuine intellect, all her hours of being protected by daddy had obviously had at least one positive effect besides her obvious insecurities and tendency to giggle unnecessarily. She offered good company, reliabilty and the opportunity to engage in real conversation with a female and not a cover for the underlying sexual tension nor the needless niceties that go hand in hand with co-gender friendships. We'll come back to her later.

Hailey was an old acquaintance who if i'm honest had originally intended on being a sexual conquest due to her over inflated ego and her model 10 looks. Conversation was stale, she was not interested in anything beyond her own nose and was flirtacious in a somewhat routine and adolescent way. Her tactics consisted of poking me and expecting me to poke her back, trying to spoon feed me hot soup and repeatedly asking me my opinion of her. Now what I had hoped would be a dream come true was in fact best staying a dream. I started rejecting her calls and messages as soon as we left Thalay Thay.

Lastly we have the spontaneously combustible Dior, now with a name like that you would envison a demure, classy, cute lady. Heck No! She was abrupt as a hot iron on a cold winters night pressed flat on your extremities. She was sexualy aggressive, had a crude sense of humour and I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT. Her crass behaviour was inflicted on random passers by as we sat at our picnic in Hyde Park, even going as far to begin an impromptu karaoke style rendition of "Killing Me Softly" on the South Bank opposite the National Film Theatre which I recommend to to any budding film enthusiast.

Now how do these girls fall into the employers category, Dior is the bright individual who you can only take in short bursts so you hire her on contract and keep her number in case that she may be of help in the future, Hailey; you laugh at yourself for inviting her to interview and bin her cv whilst you offer Tamara a full-time position and invite her to dine with the Board Of Executives.

That's what I had hoped but apparently she was the interviewee on that date and she decided to hire me on a contract. LOVELY!!!

As it stands Dior and I are going out for part two tomorrow evening.

Merci Vraiment

Metrosexuality

One minute audition...

Okay, I’ve being so engrossed with work I haven’t had time to write, actually let me rephrase that… I’ve been so engrossed with work I haven’t had much fun in a while… ok, that’s not entirely true but today was…. Well weird…

The cold early autumn breeze blew across my face as I stepped out of my office building, looked as though winter was approaching fast. I squeezed the belt on my belted jacket tighter to provide more warmth for myself as I made my way across the road towards the station. My thoughts were swamped with things I had to do tomorrow… I had an important meeting at work tomorrow afternoon, I had to pick up the new Pro Evolution Soccer 6 video game at the game store tomorrow morning and I’m going for celebratory drinks with some work mates tomorrow (celebratory… long story… trust me you don’t want to know). I then remembered why I had left work at the time I did, I wanted to see Extras on BBC2… (Later learnt it concluded last week… damn… that was one good show). I made my way over to the West bound platform and looked at my reflection in the glass demarcation between the platform and the tracks… my hair needed some trimming… wasn’t quite sure if I should cut it or leave it grown but trimmed… anyway I thought I looked good for someone who was on his way home from a busy day at work… my tie hung lose from my neck… I tried to look at my eyes (I was told to get some rest by my colleague at work… true say it was right)… but it was hard seeing any detail in my reflection. I reached for my book (which I usually read on the train)… that’s when I saw her…

NOT SHORT: TICK
TALL BUT NOT TOO TALL: TICK
NO WEAVE: TICK (she had blonde extensions… a bit iffy but forgivable)
“BACK OFF”: TICK (I’m not too fussy on that so far as it’s there)
PRETTY FACE: TICK (Damn was she good looking or not)
YOUNG: TICK (she looked between 19 and 23 which is good enough for me… although a bit deceiving nowadays… because women are looking younger and younger)
NOT A STUDENT: NOT SURE… she was at the train station in a very corporate area… I’d assumed she was coming from work… it was kinda late… about 7:50pm for her to be finishing work… and she didn’t look like the kind who would be into working late… she didn’t look as though she’s been out drinking with mates… besides 7:50pm is a bit too early to stop drinking.

I’ve been using the station for the past 14months and I really have to say I haven’t seen her type since I started… she was good looking but there was something about the way she was dressed… I’d like to assume she was coming from work but her attire looked rather too casual… her dress (don’t know where to call it a top or a dress… she was no bottoms though)… stopped half way between her hips and her knees… and she had black tights and these boots suede knee length boots… see where I’m coming from… not exactly corporate is it? But she looked darn well good. I assumed it was going to be those ones you see and you go oh well… there goes a good looking girl and you never see her again. The train came along and we both got on… I was getting off at the next station and I hope she did as well… not like I was going to speak to her… but then something hit me right across the head and I said to myself… if she gets off I’ll TALK to her… what was I thinking… it’s not my way to talk to strangers… but she was so pretty I decided I was going to talk to her either way… You wouldn’t believe but the train stopped at my stop and she got off… darn!!! I’ll have to talk to her now… I had to get on another train to get home before Extras (which as I said I later learnt had concluded last week)… she was headed for the station exit… darn!!! What do I do? Miss my train to talk to her or get on the train and regret not talking to her… I opted for the former… I followed after her to the escalators… (she had her ipod earphones on on the train… so I thought that might make things difficult)… alas!!! I got next to her and her earphones were off… maybe it’s fate!!! The following conversation ensued (note I’m not one for talking to strangers on the road)

Me: Hey!
Her: (BLANK… she didn’t even acknowledge the fact that someone next to her had said anything.)
Me: (Thinking… why did I bother trying?…. I shouldn’t have spoken to her). Hello….
Her: (BLANK… she still wasn’t looking at me even though I was next to her and walking along sides…)
Me: Someone isn’t talking (I managed to say)
Her: (BLANK)
Me: (Okay she was taking the piss now)… so where do you work? (Random question… I was leading up telling her I was bemused with her dressing)
Her: I work in …(she mentioned the area where I work)
Me: Oh… (like I didn’t know that… I got on the train together)… who do you work for?
Her: I work for… (she mentioned some big multinationals…)
Me: Oh…that’s nice… I was meant to work for…. (her firm)
Her: So who do you work for
Me: I work for… (Where I work for)
Her: Oh… that’s a nice place to work… doing what
Me: Doing… (What I do)… so how long have you being working there for?
Her: I joined recently (she’s actually a recent graduate…)
Me: Oh, so where did you graduate from?
Her: Guess? (this is me thinking this might actually be leading somewhere)
Me: Imperial? UCL? (I mentioned some top unis…. Wonder why I didn’t mention Cambridge or Oxford… I’d love to date one)
Her: Nope…
Me: South bank?
Her: Yes (for some reason, I think she was being sarcastic)
Me: Right… so how old are you?
Her: err… young. (She had her phone out… this is a bad sign….) I’m about to make an important phone call…
Me: (screw you… important phone call my arse) Yeah, cool…. I was thinking we should meet up for lunch sometimes soon.. (Whatever you do… don’t go for the number… numbers are stairways to heaven… get her number after she agrees to meet up with you… you don’t want to get on the phone trying to convince her to meet up with you)
Her: I’ve got a partner (partner my arse… that’s a new one… isn’t it I’ve got a boyfriend… maybe she did… who knows)
Me: I’m not asking for anything other than lunch
Her: I know… it’s better to avoid any temptation
Me: (aww… isn’t that a compliment… “Temptation”… I wasn’t the type to bug a woman down… it was time to bow out) Cool… I’ll see you around…
Her: See you later
Me: Damn…. (Laughing to myself… I should have been pissed but I couldn’t stop laughing… besides I had a train to catch)

I darted back into the station down the escalators… luckily for me I didn’t miss my train… it was all laughs…. You know why I wasn’t pissed….? She said no, but the experience was well worth it… I’d have been pissed if I never spoke to her just to see what she was saying…

I’m still laughing and smiling… that was one experience and a half… I haven’t had a day that stood out so much in a long while…

Well that was my one minute (well about three minutes) audition.

Just a lil somethin'

I was talking to Kelly the other day, sat back and he was showing me some deep sh** about the way he sees things these days. I've done a lot of observing in my day, everywhere i go, i was seen as the laid back "deep" one of the batch. I leanrt so much about life and myself, and the way people interact. But one thing i noticed is that i never got enough experience. I had so much information in my head, but it was of no use because i wasn't putting it into practice. Now is time, i guess i have to make up for all of the time i had lost.

Uni is starting again, and this time im going into it with a different mindset. Im going to enjoy myself as much as i can, putting everything i had learnt in my first year into practice. I friend of mine told me actually that once i actually start putting everything in my head into practice, that i will be a very dangerous individual, i dont know what he meant by that, but i didn't ask.
I'm just out to be me, Raheem. I got my Game Face on and i'm more than ready :-) .

Got like 4 major girls in my life right now. Esta, Tanya and Saha and Malika. They are all different but they all have one thing in common, they are OVERYLY attatched to me. They all have something unique about them which is what draws me to them even more, hence why i find it hard to choose(do i really have to...?...errr....nah) Now they all are paranoid because they know that im starting uni again and they think i am going to attract all of the Freshers, the same way they got attatched to me. But think about it, it shouldn't be a thing if they know that what they showing me is unique and i can't get it from another girl right. I'm just taking things slowly with the 'special 4' i mean, it's very common for a woman not to know what she REALLY wants which is why i'm not rushing into anything with them :-). In my next post i will tell you everything you need to know about the Special 4, before uni begins and a whole new batch come along. Stay Tuned...

Raheem

"im your wifey's favourite man"

In love With Herrrr.......

She's slowly taking over me, me and her all alone, every second of the day, Everytime i hear her sweet melodies, her scales have no limit, no barriers.
We are more than just friends, what we have is a connection, a bond, it's deep, deeper than anything i have ever had.
Nothing can separate me from Music, she's my esacpe from reality.....
...like....sometimes i close my eyes and i can see, hear, smell, touch her, i communicate with music using all of my senses.....tell me....isn't that deep?
She takes me to another world entirely, i'm instantly drawn into her reality, OUR reality.

I used to love something else, but she had limits, she couldnt give me the kind of love that i needed, she was too insecure, she gave up too easily, she never had the patience that music has. She would just vanish after she sees that there is no progress. But music, my love, my everything is there till the very end, she never lets go, she can't, neither can I. Music doesn't leave if she feels that i am not interested or not progressing in what we have, she will stay until we both learn together and grow in love. When i'm with music, my mind switches of from everything else around me, my world revolves around her....again...i close my eyes.....i see her notes....her sweet melodies.....she has an affect on every soul on this earth, she is powerful beyond description, me and her are one, i love you music, and i won't stop, you fill every hole in my soul, you are my earth, you are my queen.

Raheem

Deep Thoughts Whilst Writing a Piece of music : 13 Sept 2006