April 5, 2005

Day Two, Amerie still aint phoned me, not like I expected her to but still, we spoke like almost everyday before, so it must be weird for her, not picking up her phone to say hi to Mr Kelly!!! Spent most of today thinking about Amerie… the chills that ran up my spine the first time I kissed her, never thought I could get a girl like that, but I was so wrapped up in “the game” I’d forgotten about making it official… don’t get this twisted… the jersey aint coming off anytime soon, because game is vital to existence…. Run out of game and you might as well sentence yourself to life without luvin’… now Louise thinks she’s got the last laugh but err… I don’t think so… back to Amerie… Quincy was probably at her place, trying to get a lil’ something…. I ran through the messages on my phone, reading through Amerie’s text messages… and you could actually see the progression of the emotions in the text… From “Hi Kelly, how are you?” to “Hi sweetheart, couldn’t stop thinking bout u”… and saying I wasn’t bothered about her leaving or “trying to end it” would be lying… she was my trophy, I loved going out with her, she was funny and the way men looked at her and looked at you… was so gratifying… and the way women look at her with some bitchy look on their face… who was the superstar… Kelly or Amerie… I have to admit, she was pretty, damn well pretty… still don’t know how I made my way into her feelings… but the real superstar was Kelly… after all I was the one who had the keys to her heart… err.. rephrasing that… “potential keys to her heart”… because I never made it official, even though I had the opportunity to…

Even though I spoke to Chloe today, I couldn’t let her in into what was going on with Amerie… I had to be the superstar, not the guy who he’s potential girl walked away from him because of stinky stories that were going on about him… I felt I could still get in there… I thought I had this on lock, and there she was, trying to walk away from Kelly!!! I still don’t get it… I haven’t dealt with this kinda situation before… it was knew grounds… I finished off with women, not the other way round… I’d been talking to Mark about this, on my way from work… apparently he’d been moving to this girl, who to his standards wasn’t all that, but just thought he should speak to her on a friendship level… and despite the fact that Mark was meant to be a “don”… this girl was giving him attitude… I haven’t heard Mark say that in a long time… probably said it in his teenage days but not any time recently… “She had this hint of rudeness in her talk, and I’m like, who the **** does she think she is?” he said… “Is it?” said a perplex Kelly… I never knew guys like Mark, moved to a girl and the girl wasn’t saying anything… “It’s funny how nowadays, women wanna treat you like you are their link… like they choose when they wanna see you and if they wanna see you…” Mark said…. “It’s all that female empowerment malarkey” I said… I haven’t spoken to anyone about Amerie… not even Byron…. Because Amerie was meant to be Kelly’s main squeeze, now she’s trying to leave???? How was I going to explain it to the guys Amerie was gone, Louise was acting like a monkey on crack….??? Was Kelly actually losing it???

That’s what happens when you try showing some honesty!!! Some feelings and emotions, women are always so quick to grab the control, and send you from the front seat to the back seat… but its not about that… my timing was just out of step… I was going to get her back, cant let her go… not to that guy called Quincy, leaving her to go to that boring git wont be doing her a favour at all!!! She probably had her reasons…. She was getting paranoid, with Chloe hanging around with me…. And with all the malarkey Louise might have been feeding her, she’ll be quick to think, Kelly is a waste of time…. But I know she like me… I know she really liked me… so it can’t be so easy for her to walk away….

Against all my principles, I picked up the phone and told Amerie I was coming round…. She asked why I was coming… “Coming to say hi init? there’s no crime in that is there?” I said… “Err… I’m not too sure about that…. Quincy is around…” She said… “F**k Quincy, I’m coming round” I said… okay, I think that’s the first time I’d actually sworn in a conversation with Amerie and it felt so good… felt so much adrenalin through my veins and it had an impact on her, because she was quiet was a while… “If its cool with you… just wanted to tell you init...” She said… okay what is this girl on about… I know Quincy aint nothing compared to Kelly… actually they went on holiday together… what if she said they had sex together... what will I do… that would have been a turn off… but she better not….

I got to her place… around 10pm… and Quincy had just left… it’s funny how much shit girls chat on the phone because written all over her face was I like you Kelly but I don’t like what I’ve just heard…. We spoke about all the malarkey she’s been hearing… and using the same ol’ Jon B like… “Its all done to jealousy… they don’t know….”… “Amerie… I meet a lot of women… some of them good, most of them bad… I get to know them and most of the time I find out they are not what I want… and I try to move on…. Maybe in the process I hurt them, but I’m looking for Ms Right… and I’ll do anything to find her… if it means being with a million girls in the process… I like you Amerie and right from the first time I saw you, there was something different about you and I never acted on it… and the last 24hhrs I spent thinking about living on without you… and it doesn’t look good trust me…. You don’t have to be my girlfriend, but I’ll really like us to be cool….” I said... that wasn’t too difficult… I didn’t wanna to push myself into a corner… where I would have to ask her out… and by the way cool means… us being friends and I still get that occasional sweet kiss… I don’t want sex off you but I just want to feel close to you, emotionally, physically and mentally… that’s my definition of cool… “Kelly, don’t you think I feel the same… but I feel maybe one day, you’ll just get bored of me too or find out I’m not what you want and you’ll leave me with all this feeling for you and I’m just trying to prevent that… you are truly amazing, I haven’t feel like this about a guy in ages… and now, you are like a live wire… I want to like you, but my mind is saying watch out!!!” She said… her tone was getting really sentimental now… I knew if I left this place, without giving her some commitment, that was the end I’d see with Amerie!!! And I didn’t want that… was she trying to bully me into a relationship… damn I had a quick flash of all the women I could be getting with and who knows walking out of this door, I could find someone way better than Amerie…. But it was all about risk management… what was the probability….??? You know what… burn that crap… if push came to shove… I could tell her it wasn’t working and move on… but right now I wanted Amerie… maybe it was emotional blackmail… but I wasn’t going to let her walk away…. WHAT ARE YOU DOING KELLY!!!! This girl is running game on you and bullying you into a relationship…. Hmm…. This aint easy… to wifey or not to wifey… what if you started going out and she try dump you, you’ll look like the fool… NOOO!!!! Amerie don’t do this!!!!

“Will you be my woman” I said… thinking about slapping the shit out of myself, for saying that…. “I’ll love to be… but I rather we stay friends and still get to know each other better…” She said… like she read my mind… “Which means no more kissing, not more touching!!!! And no more sleep-overs….!!!” She said as she smiled “Can you deal with that?” she asked…. This was good enough for me…. I could always get her to change her mind…. That was no big deal… I’ll leave her on a platform for a while... she gets comfortable and then I remove the platform… and blam we back at square one… she’ll be kissing on me like it was the first time….

We spoke for some time then I left… at least I kinda got her back… even if its as friends… like that will work!!!

Amerie you back… ha ha Louise, my game’s kinda too good for your lil’ bitching… so guys sometimes you might wanna go the extra mile to get your woman back, but it might not always be good news… get ready for a rejection… otherwise, if you call her bluff, she may be serious… with women you don’t bluff until you are sure she couldn’t take another breath without the thought of you on her mind…. Because women are driven by emotions… very unstable… like a monkey on crack….

Which will you fear…. An experienced sharpshooter with a gun in the hand… or an emotional unstable woman with a gun in the hand…. You cant bluff with the latter because she doesn’t know what she’s doing… any dumb move and she might just call your bluff and blow your brains out before you mentioned the word… “P-lease….”