April 26, 2005

Many girls think men don’t get insecure when it comes to relationships… it’s funny but most of the time men are very insecure in relationships but have been brought up by the society to mask this and try to pretend like it doesn’t bother them… some make a good job of it, but some people really cant handle this… in all my relationships… even though I’ve been in situations when I need my girl was talking to some next guy, I never went out of my way to scare off the geezer or threaten my girl to stop talking to the other guy, because at the end of the day, a relationship should be about two people who wanna be together… and if the girl feels like she wants to be talking to some next guy, its not in your place to fight this “battle” to scare off this guy off your girl… because if your girl really wants to be with you… she’ll never cheat on you and stray… so its all about how much of a “lock” you’ve got on your girl… some girl said something recently which made me think… what??? Apparently she thought it was “heroic” for her man to tell some man off about trying to move his girl… that it shows how much he “loves” her… what a load of bollocks…. A real man is a man who can sit in one end of the room and watch his girl at the other end… and even though next manz are all around her… he’s rest assured she wont do anything dumb… and even if she does… it’s really her problem isn’t it…? The problem why some men feel this way is because… they become so comfortable and emotionally reliant in the relationship and start to form fears about the relationship ending… and thinking dumb things like “Will I even find another woman like this?” I know breaking up can leave you in an empty, fearful and lonely state… with Claire, it wasn’t too bad, because I kinda met someone else even before I finished with her… it was difficult with Lorraine because I was kinda involved with her… she showed me many things.. and kinda made me realise what kind of woman I really wanted and what kinda man I wanted to be… I had that empty feeling after Lisa played her dumb game… but I wont say it got to me that much… What mentality many guys should develop is… “If you leave me… it’s really your problem… you the one missing out…”

Because many people get too comfortable in a relationship, after a break up the alone feeling causes so many problems… for instance degradation of self esteem and self worth… essential mentality to adopt is knowing that you can meet women anytime you want… this mentality prevents you from being so clingy in a relationship and even with any girl you may be seeing… this “clingy” behaviour is all ingrained in dreading that you may never meet a woman as good as the one you with presently… I tell you… it’s all lies… I thought Claire was all-buff… but its all a state of mind… after I finished with her… I could see clearly its just this silly trick you mind plays with you when you think a girl is too good to be true... Lorraine was cool, and after she left, I meet even better looking girls… when you know you can get a woman so easily then you wont be holding on to some woman like she was your lifeline… all letting go of your self respect and worth… thus making the whole situation and making the girl see you as this pathetic loser!!! When it would have been so good if you could just have walked away…!

It’s amazing how having inner confidence and knowing being confidence makes you so much attractive… I tell you what… if someone told me Lisa would have been my girlfriend; I would have laughed my ass off… Lisa was so damn standoffish… she was one of the girls who thought they were too nice and the thing is SHE WAS NICE!!! I remember the first time I spoke to her… she was all looking at me thinking what’s this boy talking about… I was 21 then… and even though she was 20… she thought I was 18, because I’ve got this baby face going on… and was astounded some young breh could actually move to her… I’m like don’t get this twisted… apart from the age thing… she still looked way out of my league if you know what I mean… but then it was all down to my confidence, showing her… all this “I’m too nice” don’t faze me… at the end of the day, I like you and this is what I’m saying… I don’t kiss no-one’s ass… If I appear to be kissing your ass then trust me you’ve got something else coming… its like a rollercoaster… you all high up and thinking wow this is great… then down you go… anyway the rest was history with Lisa….

Guys don’t talk about it but there are two major issues that guys face when it comes to girls… the first is insecurity and the second is jealousy!!! When a guy is insecure he is always thinking and worried about some guy stealing his girl off him… this is some lame feeling… what happened to you being on top of your game!!! Fair enough, if you find out your woman is running game on you… its cool... don’t react… don’t give in to the temptation… if you cant work things out… (which I’m not a big fan off… I mean… infidelity in a relationship is a big no go area… and when a girl treads those areas… its oblivion… there’s no coming back… I could talk to her as friends… but this breh don’t share his milkshake… once some next man is had it… then he might as well keep it… no hard feelings)… insecurity is a mixture of feelings that make you worry about losing your woman and also worrying about the fact that if she was meant to leave you, you wouldn’t be able to find another one….! Then here is where the problem lies… when you go out with your girl and some other brehs are moving to her, you get all angry and pissed off… there are enough guys who have passed on to “the other side” because of this whole “girl beef” thang…. Its not about that… Insecurity sets off the GREEN EYED MONSTER…JEALOUSY!!!! This is the dangerous side of insecurity…. It is so powerful; people kill because of jealous… I mean you go to a party and you go to the gents and before you back, there’s some breh talking to your girl and you think “what???” …this reminds me of when I first met Chloe and I was at this party she happened to be as well… even though I knew her boyfriend was there… I was all next to her chatting her up… and even danced with her… its mad, because I usually don’t dance at parties but this has to go down as one of the most sensual dances I’ve had… she felt so nice!!! And then while we were talking… she gave me her number and then there was her boyfriend… walking towards us… I’m like this is it… “Is this how manz is gonna go?” I mean Byron and Mark where there… but they weren’t no gangsters Byron was some good boy and Mark was this suave looking breh, so if anything broke out… I was a goner...

Feeling jealous is a very natural instinct and feeling… you hear something about your girl and you get all this feelings of rage... just calm down… turn the kettle on… some men are known to “punish” their women in bed while doing the dirty by being very reckless!!! It’s a very dodgy area as well because men have the instinct to want something another man has… you walk down the street and you see a girl walking with her boyfriend and you are so quick to look back at her bum… and even though you know a girl has a man… you still interested! At the same time guys are so quick to feel jealous when they suspect that their woman is messing around or when you feel some next man will take your girl off you…. Which again is the “double standards” men are known to have… Jealousy can take you down two different paths… it can turn you into a clingy dud… where you kiss your woman’s ass all day all night and it can lead you down the path of doing something pathetic like getting into a fight or killing someone… and really some women enjoy having a boyfriend who’ll beat up some other man because of her… I put it all down to attention… which really is a very naïve, inhuman, immature and uncivilised way of dealing with things… humans are giving the intelligence to be able to talk about their problems… and when you have to result to means of violence… you are more or less acting like an animal who cant talk about his problems… which is the major issue… men aren’t brought up to talk about their problems and when they cant contain it no more… they express themselves with fists and bullets… I lot of guys might not buy into my views but at the end of the day everyone is free to do whatever he wants to right?

And this problem has this cumulative, snowball effect… which is common with women as well… you come out of a relationship where you’ve been treated badly and you lose all your self esteem… say you lucky, you meet this new attractive woman and you go out to a party… then you walk to the bar to get drinks and when you come back… your new “woman” is in the company of two buff mans and they are making her laugh, who you know are so much better looking than you are and appear to be more affluent than you are…. When the guy sees this happening…. He freaks out!!! All the feelings of insecurity and jealousy the last relationship induced in him surfaces again and he starts to think maybe the girl really wants to be with these guys… he then goes over acting like a complete dud and takes the girl away from the scene… probably leaving the party or taking her to another section… SO DUMB!!! Why should you EVER make it obvious that you are intimated, jealous and insecure… all you are doing is making this other men feeling powerful!!! And then the woman sees you as some insecure prat!!! And many people will ask… so what are you suppose to do….errr…. its all about what you should have done before it even happened…

First of all, come to terms with the fact that there is nothing to be insecure and jealous about and this will only lead to your being fearful and the subsequent actions to take will only lead to down the path of losing this woman anyway… next thing is to be on top of your game and being confident with the fact that you can always get another girl (THIS IS VITAL… THIS IMPROVES YOUR SELF ESTEEM AND SELF WORTH…) thus you know if this woman was to leave you, you can always meet new women… in this sense you are NO MORE INSECURE…BECAUSE YOU CAN EASILY SECURE ANOTHER WOMAN! You also need to realise that if you woman is indeed “BUFF” then other guys will move to it and put their bid in… its inevitable!!! It’s going to happen and don’t be stunned when it happens… you need to also learn how to enjoy it when it happens… this is where you game comes in… why don’t you lean back.. and let the guy do whatever he wants to… then you can ask your girl… (in most cases she’ll tell you…) about what the girl said… like there was this guy used to text Lisa all the time… chatting some dumb lyrics and writing her lil’ poems…. While I was with Lorraine… her ex used to call her all the time... which I had no problems with… AFTER ALL YOU COULD LEARN A THING OR TWO FROM THESE GUYS’S LINES AND GAMES RIGHT!!! And if your girl leaves you… you could always use one of these guy’s lines… maybe it was really good that’s why you lost your girl….

Another thing you should take into consideration is some girls go out of their way to put themselves in situations where guys can move to them… its either they just love attention… or trying to make you jealous… and the best strategy to use when dealing with this is act like it doesn’t bother you… imagine someone is doing something to get your attention and you are not paying no mind to it… it will get them so mad!!! or better still talk to other women… but be warned this can turn into a crazy game that could go out of hand… your woman may proceed to go on and sit on some other brehs laps or hugging another guy in a way that makes you uncomfortable... because if you really like her, you will get jealous…! Therefore if this is the case… just don’t act… act like you are not even noticing it’s happening… but if your woman is crap at playing games then if you talk to other women, you’ll be back quicker than you know it… but if she’s really competitive, you don’t wanna mess with her…

Adhere to the fact that the only power other guys will have with your woman is really the power you give to them… if you act all insecure and jealous… you are giving them the power… GET OVER INSECURITY AND JEALOUSLY!!!! THERE’S NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF!!!!

It’s a girl thing! Don’t be caught dancing with the green eyed monster!