April 19, 2005

I got to Bar One around 9pm in my office suit, I had my tie off, so man was looking all criss and that… saw a couple of ladies at the bar, and said hello to them… they said hi back, nothing special, just being friendly with them… I was on a hype today, because I was gonna see Louise, she was meeting me at Bar One before we left together for my place, and its kinda funny because it was at Bar One I started creeping with her when I was with Lisa. She came in and it looked like she’d been at home and had a change of clothes, she was smelling nice as well… she gave me a quick hug… I could tell she was probably embarrassed with the way she’d been acting recently… but I tried not to talk about that… that was all in the past, hopefully she will be my friend and nothing else now, even though I predicted she’ll be back… We kinda caught up on what had been going on… she then said she couldn’t come back to my place afterwards because she had to see her mom…. I didn’t really mind because she brought me some food, which was cool… she left around 10pm… so I was alone sitting on a sofa in Bar One, had a few Red Bulls and orange juice… no alcohol… just sitting there on my own… which is kinda sad, cotching on your own at a bar, when everyone was with someone else or a group of people probably meeting up after work or just minor friendly chat

“Hey, anyone sitting here?” one of two young women asked me pointing to the sofa opposite me… she probably thought I was with a couple of people who had gone to the bar to get some drinks… “No, please have a seat” I said, having a quick look at both women… one of them had a champagne glass in the hand and the other had a cocktail in her hand… they kept on talking to themselves, as if they were catching up on what each did during the day… and there I was sitting looking at them, asking myself why I was still at the bar!!! I should just go home and sleep and get ready for work the next day but here I was sitting there looking at this two ladies talk… “You here on your own?” the blonde one said… “Hmm… kinda, my girlfriend just left” I lied… “Did you have some sort of argument? Why did she leave you?” I couldn’t make out what hair colour the other one was because she had a hat on and she had short hair and the lighting wasn’t helping either… “Err… kinda, we’ve been having problems” I said… obviously I wasn’t gonna play myself to be a loner… “Aww… hope it gets better with you two…” The blonde one said…. “Oh thanks…” there was a brief silence… “So do you come here often” in as much as that line was played out… I could do with some company right now, since I wasn’t ready to go home… “Not really, this is about….” The blonde one said looking at the other one in the hat who completed her statement “second time?”… “So what do you do?” She asked looking at my dressing… “Looks like you coming from work” she continued…. I had a quick think… what should I say… investment banker, car salesman, accountant, “I’m a writer” I finally said… “That’s good” the one in the hat said… nodding and looking at her friend… “So what do you write? Songs, poems, stories?”… “Actually I write columns in GQ” I was pushing it now… they were interested now… “About what?” the blonde one asked… “Relationship advice, stuff like that” I said… this was getting good… “That’s interesting… so you are some sort of relationship guru…. Like Dear Deidre?”… “Yeah, but a bit more sophisticated…” I said… “Have you got a business card, we work for an agency which promotes freelance writers and we could get you something….” The blonde one said… okay I knew nothing about writing and this was meant to be some big joke… I went thought my wallet pretending I was looking for my business card… “Oh sorry, I’ve kinda run out…” I said… obviously if I really wanted it, I could have given her my number right? “Why don’t you give me your number, I’ll give you a call…” I said… “Better still, why don’t we come over to your place…?” I didn’t even think twice about what I thought I heard… “Sorry?” … “We could come over….” The blonde one said… and I swear I never felt myself rise so faster, it like happened in a second!!!!! This wasn’t happening, I’d dreamed about this moment for like FOREVER and it was happening… but then again… I couldn’t do this crap… I promised myself no more, casual sex, it wasn’t about that…. BUT KELLY!!! THESE ARE TWO YOUTHFUL LOOKING WOMEN WHO’LL FULFIL ALL YOUR FANTASIES!!! “Err…. “I never heard myself stutter that bad… “My place is a mess… trust me you don’t wanna come in there” I said…. They looked at each other as if to say, what the **** is he one about and to be frank, I was crazy to have said something like that… even though, blood was flowing to the right place in my body by the second… and I couldn’t even stand up because my hard on will be so bait… “You can come to our place then…” The one in the hat said…. This was a huge dilemma…. I wanted to do this but I’d promised myself not to… I could picture the look on Mark’s face if I told him about this…. “Have you got their number, let me call them” that would be the first thing he’d say… Byron would probably say, good on you bruv but overcoming the temptation… but damn, here I was and everything was happening so fast… I couldn’t go down like this… plus I didn’t want them to be getting no ideas that this brother was gay, turning them down…. “You see this…” I said pointing to my hard on which was now so apparent and bait! “I really wanna do this… like you don’t understand” the look on their face was hysterical, looking at me like I was so crazy prat… “But I’m trying to do this detox thing, so I’m being celibate for a year” I said… I don’t know if they bought it, but at least its clear I was capable of doing IT!!!! “Okay….” The blonde one said… “Good luck on your celibacy…” she continued…. I felt like the world’s biggest plum!!! But at the same time, I felt proud I could say NO!!! There’s no greater feeling than to be able to turn down sex when you know you wanted this…. I needed some control on this sex thing… last year was kinda mad, it was like something I had to do every week… and when I was with Lisa, it was like every blimey night… but now I was have a control over it… because when I found “the one” I didn’t want it to be a physical thing… I wanted to “connect” with her before all the sex thing came into it… and to do that…. I needed to have control on this thang!!!

I got home went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror…. And I said… “Kelly, you are heavy and you are also a plum!!!!” Damn!!! I looked at my bed and I picked those two beauties on the bed with me… doing all the things I’d never had done before… okay I need to stop thinking about it… or else I’ll drive myself crazy….

I felt stupid but at the same time…. Proud!!!