April 23, 2005

I was at home all day today, which is kinda weird, trust me when you work hard Monday to Friday, you deserve a nice weekend... an action filled weekend… but today was different, woke up quite early… stayed in bed till around 11am just lying down there doing nothing while listening to Jon B’s new album, “Stronger Everyday”… the album is so dope! I thought it was going to be crap because there are like just about two or three slow jams out of 16 tracks… but its quite good… especially Beenie Man’s remix of “Every time”…

I ate some cereal in the kitchen while flipping through channels… nothing good on TV early in the morning… so I decide to give the cars a wash (the Audi TT and the BMW)… I started on the TT; quick was nothing special… after I finished with that, I started on the BMW… (my Dad like’s his car clean all the time, he spends like a tenner every week washing the car and cleaning the interior at the valet, so I reckoned I should give the car a proper cleaning since I’ve had the car for some time now… I had to give it back on Monday anyway…) I finished the washing in about 30mins… here comes the hard part... the waxing… I left the wax on it for another 30mins before polishing the car… as I was polishing; I noticed some black beauty in the distance, all dressed up in some skirt suit… I’m like “What?” she had a blue folder and she was with a couple of geezers… she was the only female…with about five guys… I thought they were from the Conservative party, carrying out surveys and polls, because you never know what antics this political parties were up to… as they approached from the distance… I could tell they weren’t representatives but just people working for home improvement companies… they kinda dispersed in groups, visiting each houses… I suppose they could see me (so vulnerable), outside washing my car, so I had no choice but to talk to them… (at least I’ll tell them I wasn’t interested while they tried to persuade me)… okay they used some strategy, getting the young attractive black lady to come and talk to me… they know I wont say no… they knew, I’ll probably try to listen to her…. And I must admit… I wasn’t looking my best… so I didn’t feel like I was on top of my game… mid afternoon (1pm), I hadn’t had my shower… my overgrown nappy hair… faded jogging bottoms… wet jumper… so I wasn’t feeling to confident ripping this one…

She walked over… she was young and pretty, I’d say probably between 17-19, and the skirt suit was really working for her… her hair looked kinda nice still… as she approached, before she said anything… “Your hair looks really nice” I said… she smiled... I probably threw her off her “over-rehearsed” line… “Hi, we are going round the street asking people if they will be interested in home improvements services” She said… she was pretty….AND I WAS LOOKING CRUSTY!!! “And as I can see, you’ve got a garage... and I was wondering if you’d like to convert that into another room” she continued as she gave the car a look over… I smiled… “err... aren’t you gonna ask me if I’m the home owner?” I smiled… “Oh sorry, are you the home owner?” She smiled… trying to regain her pose... “You new aren’t you?” I asked… “Kinda… this is my second time…” She said… she tried to be professional by immediately going back to the initial discussion about the home improvement… or maybe she just wasn’t interested because I looked crusty… BUT I WAS WASHING A BLIMEY BMW 7 SERIES AND THERE WAS AN AUDI TT RIGHT IN FRONT!!! SO WHATS THE LONG TING? She kept on going about the home improvement thing… and then some dude came along to join and I just thought… “Dud, try cramp my style” he started talking as well... and then I just said… “I’m not interested…” then shot her a smile “but I’m interested in you…” she gave me this funny look, as if to say… “You wish…” and the dude next to her… smiled as well… “Thank you for your time, I’ll leave you with this…” He said as he handed me some promotional pamphlets of the company… “Thanks” I said… as they walked away… Damn that girl looked kinda nice…. Still!!!!

Chloe called me today and asked if I wanted to go see the new Bernie Mac film “Guess Who” I really wanted to go… but I had some work I had to do at home… I normally don’t bring work home, but I thought I might as well, since I had nothing planned for today… I told her some other day… I liked the way Chloe was so straight up, no stupid might games… she’s like a very good friend to me now… even closer than we were before…. So I guess there was no reason to play mind games with each other anyway… unlike people like Sunshine who thought mind games was the way… who will cancel on your ass… it’s not about that… I mean, I’m all pro-absence makes the heart fonder… it’s a game Mark plays all the time… arranges to meet a girl, and cancels on them… like three times in a row… I’m like what? I guess it just makes you want it more… Have you ever called a woman to arrange a meeting, and she’s like “This weekend… err… call me on Friday and we’ll talk about it…” that’s exactly what Sunshine said to me like a week ago… “err… I’ll let you know on Friday, that’s when I know if I’m going to be free” How dumb is that… if you wanna be free, you CAN BE FREE… all you have to do is to look in your diary (or mental diary), if there’s nothing… all you have to do is pencil me in luv!!!! or have you been asked by a girl if you were a player… I mean girls will ask you… “You are a player aren’t you?” or has a girl called you like hours before a date and cancelled on your excited ass? This happened to me, like two years ago… I met this amazing girl, and we used to talk on the phone… and she was cool… then we arranged to meet on a Saturday… I was so excited…! On my way to the date, I kept on thinking like… I can’t believe this is me going out on a date with this girl… like it’s so unbelievable!!! I was still on the bus, on my way to the West End, which is where we arranged to me… I got a text from her… and you know when you start getting texts, like an hour before the date… you can almost presume that it was a cancellation… and I was right… she said… she had to go into work… I’m like NOOOOO!!!!! I was all mentally geared up… only to be let down!!! Another instance… there was some girl I was seeing… and we were meant to go out to see a film… then she told me she had to go to work on that Saturday… I was kinda pissed but I thought what the crap, there is always another day… I then saw her friend the next day who told me she that she told her she lied to me… because she didn’t wanna go out… “I don’t wanna go…” Dumb ass girl… months after that, this same ol’ girl’s calling me, she really likes me and we should “take things to the next level”… I just thought… you are such a fool trying to play me for a fool…! When you play games with Kelly, you’ll always end up losing, because this breh’s strategies are always optimal!!! Have you also ever asked a woman for her number and she’ll say “Why don’t you give me your number and I’ll call you…” I’ve fell for this line bare times… actually like three times… and OBVIOUSLY THEY NEVER CALL!!!!!!!!! After all, think about it, if she really wanted you to call her… she’ll just give you her number…! I never fall for that crap no more… especially if she’s a CHOOG TING!!!

All these are the kinda games women play to test guys… with every girl who have some sort of dealing with; she will test you to see how much control she has in the relationship… and how strong you are!!! And the funny thing is if you fall for what the woman expected or wanted, YOU HAVE FAILED THE TEST!!!!!!!! And on numerous occasions, I have failed this test miserably!!! But the most important thing is to learn from these… after all they say experience is the best teacher… err… not really… I rather someone tell me in advance… than having to humiliate myself with some hot girl I was trying to work a lil’ something with!!!!

The tests are there to quickly eliminate the crappy guys! Think about a job interview… tests are carried out to filter out the “not so fit” ones… remember its all about survival of the fittest…! And it will be naive to think women actually go out of their way to carry out these test… they do it without thinking about it… it’s a subconscious thing… it’s after you react then say… “eermm… he’s not what I want”… after all a lot of guys do a lot of talking and when its time to back up the talk… they shrink!!! Think about it, if you were some buff girl with bare manz after you… how will you tell the “good” ones from the “crap” ones?...You need some form you subtle test which assess a guy’s real strength and weaknesses… I which he won’t have a clue that he is actually under some form of testing…. In this way, if he was of no “substance”, you will let me go faster than he realised…. Therefore a woman has a lot of power… and if the women carries out these tests all the time, she becomes used to it, and becomes a part of the women. In this way, she uses these tests while interacting with guys without even thinking about it… AND TRUST ME IF YOU FAIL ONE OF THESE TESTS, I CAN PROMISE YOU, YOU WONT BE GETTING ANOTHER CHANCE….. I’m talking from experience…

So next time, a woman wants to pull a fast one on you but saying, “Give me your number I’m call you…” NEVER EVER FALL FOR IT!!! Try this… say something cocky like “Err… I’m not exactly going to fall for that cheesy line… how long have you been rehearsing that for?” then hand her you phone and then follow you cocky line with something funny like… “I promise to call you just ten times a day until you decide to change your number, because I aint got anything else to do other than to call someone who doesn’t want me calling her….” Then don’t say anything else other than give her your phone… This could go either way… but there is a high chance, she’ll give you her number… and if she insists she won’t give it to you… then you know…SHE REALLY DOESN’T LIKE YOU!!!!!.... so take you cue and walk away… but don’t just walk away like a loser… talk to her… let her warm up to you… that’s why she probably said no in the first place… women are like ovens… you have to give them time to warm up to you… don’t forget she meets guys like you everyday… and obviously doesn’t give her number to just any guy… not unless you look like Brad Pitt or Morris Chesnut...

So next time a woman cancels on your ass… don’t get all irate… or get all understanding… I don’t care what anyone says… if you’ve got a date with someone you really wanna be with… then you would do anything to go on that date… not unless you had your legs chopped off, or you are at the hospital… it’s when you have options or you know the guy/girl will always be there, that’s when you cancel so easily… I mean if a woman could call in sick to work, to enjoy the morning after with a guy, I don’t see why you should cancel on a guy all because, “your mom asked shopping with her”.. your mom should be understanding if you tell her, there’s this hot guy, who really likes you and you don’t wanna take any chances with this guy…!!!! So guys when a woman stands you up… don’t make up excuses for her and don’t buy her excuses… just say “It’s cool, some other day….” AND DON’T SUGGEST ANOTHER DAY!!!!!! If she really was sorry for cancelling and REALLY wanted to go… she’ll arrange for another day…

Don’t let any girl take you for a ride… not unless it’s the kind of ride you want….

He he…!