April 20, 2005

I got to work today and told the guys about it, and everyone kept on going on about how crazy and out of my mind I was saying no to the two ladies… “It wasn’t one lady gagging for it, it was two!” they kept on saying… It probably didn’t add up because I was this geezer who was always chatting about women and game theory, so I was given this player title and now “the player” was saying he said no to a menaje toi? I got a call from my dad today saying he was out of the country for a week or so with my mom… he needed to get to the airport, my car was a coupe and he needed me to drop him off in his car at the airport and I could keep the car till he was back… so here I am a 22 year old with a BMW 7 series!!!??? That’s mad

Moments like this don’t come round everyday, they say girls judge manz by the size of their rims… the rims on this machine were 19 inch chrome rims… trust me they were mad!!! and the thing was they came with the car… moments like this don’t come round everyday… I drove an Audi TT which was cool and fashionable… but it’s only a TT and it was 51REG, the BMW was 54REG and it was a BMW and a blimey 7 SERIES!!!! I dropped my parents at the airport after work and here I was alone in this machine… I knew I had a week with this machine and bwoy… I needed to handle some business… show off this ride to some honeyz… the first was Sunshine… she hadn’t seen me for some months now… so I called her up and said I was in her area… even though I was a good 30mins drive from her place… that same ol’ lyric “I’m round your ends luv, and thought I should say hello…” The day I new rides could get a man bare women was one night, I think I was 19 then and I was out with Mark who was 20 then… Mark used to drive some Vauxhall then… we got to some party and bare manz were outside with their Golfs, Polos, Peugeots and what not…. So when we got there with the Vauxhall, we got no attention at all… to make it worse, there were lots of girls outside as well, because people couldn’t get into the club no more… Mark was like… “It’s not about this!, my dad is not home and he left his S Class Merc at home, I’m going to get it” I was like, are you crazy… what if something happens to it… you get a dent on the car or better still the police stop you? Mark was well determined though… next thing, we pulled up in a S-Class Merc and bwoy, did the attention fall on us or what… you could see all the manz screwing their faces like “what?”, who’s this pulling up in a Merc? The girl’s eyebrows were all sky high… we got out… and even though I was in the passenger’s seat, I felt like a don!!! I came out all screwing my face and looking, so what honey wants to get with this daddy… I aint gonna lie to you, I had no game then… but I got 10 numbers!!! It was unbelievable… and Mark done the dirty in the car with a girl that night… so when I say… a buff car = buff girls then I know what I was talking about… even in my humble TT, I still get enough respect… and attention… not quite as much, now that my CD car stereo, doesn’t work so… the music doesn’t seem to attract the attention to the car!!! DOH!!!!

I got to Sunshine’s house in Clapham… parked the ride in front of the house… I was still in my suit, so I looked like a responsible young man… I parked the car in such a way that the car was right in front of the house and the sitting room window, plus I saw someone look out of the window when I got out of the house… I knocked on the door and some lady opened the door, from the resemblance I took it, that it was Sunshine’s sister… but when she came out… and said “who is it mom?”… I like what? Maybe I should take your mom’s number… she was fit still!!!... I sat in the sitting room, and her mom was all showing me luv and that… giving me orange juice and asking if I was cool… okay maybe I was wearing a suit jacket… and I was driving a good car… I was handsome, tall and looked responsible… she asked me what I did… and I told her… I jammed there for a while and I said I was leaving… Sunshine’s mom was like “Take care darling, nice meeting you…” I’m like whatever… if I was wearing a hoody, with burnt lips and saying “wagwan”, I’ll be chased out of the house like a leper…

Sunshine walked me to the car… and the look on her face was worth millions… “Is it…. Is this you Kelly” She said looking at the car… “I’m trying” I said… trying to sound as humble as possible… “It came with the job, put I wanna exchange it for a humble Audi TT, its more my type… this is just too big” bwoy was I getting good at making up stories… “Can I go in it?” she asked… looking inside… “Of course luv…” I said… as we got in… the car came with everything… heated seats, TV, DVD player, name it, it was in there… so I turned on the DVD player… I had rushed to the shops to but Usher Live in Concert before I got to Sunshine’s house… and she was loving it… “You know I’ve been thinking about you lately” I said… I was so going to get mine back on this girl… I know how girls think… If you ask a girl out… she’ll say yes only if she’ll look good with you on street… and what woman wouldn’t want to tell her friends that her man was some Marketing guy at a big profitable company… (I was proud of that name)… and drove a BMW 7 Series… and he was just 22 years old!!! She kept on looking at me… as if to say take me… “What have you been thinking about?” she asked… I paused for a bit… letting Usher’s “Superstar” sink into my psyche… “About doing this…” I said… as I held her chin in place… and planted a sweet kiss on her lips and pulled back…. DAMN!!! She was so going to pay so standing Kelly up!!! And THANKS DAD FOR THE CAR!!!! And then she came back for more… and we kissed for some more time… I was so excited… “I have to go now love… but I’ll call you…” I said… obviously I wasn’t going to call… she’ll be calling me…

And was I right… I got home and she texted me “So where was it we were meant to go last weekend”…. See that’s what gets me mad about girls… when I had good intentions… I sucked… when I wasn’t serious… I got what I wanted!!!

Women aint ready!!!!