March 11, 2005

Byron came to my place today, while Louise was there. It was so funny catching jokes!!! It’s like Louise had become one of the buddies even though we'd had something in the past, but it was cool. How come all girls can't be like this? Byron was bringing some girl, he'd been talking to on the phone to Michael’s cook up tomorrow, which should be so much fun... he's got a problem though, some girl he moved to at Fiona's 21st birthday party (who he got lucky with) has been bugging him like crap!!! "Saying shit like 'I know you love me...', 'Have you missed me'...HELL NO I HAVEN'T...." Byron said... "Where the monkeys is she getting all those crap from" he continued

"She keeps on calling me like she ain't got nothing better to do, and I dont wanna be bad mind, by not answering her phone calls, so I do, and I don’t say nothing hoping that she'd catch the drift and leave me alone!" Byron said... "Why cant women just know when guys are not on it no more? I mean you don’t wanna hurt her feeling by being bang on... 'Don’t phone me anymore!" do you?" I said... but we can play a prank that will stop her calling you... that's when I looked at Louise who instinctively knew where I was going and she kept on shaking her head and saying I won’t be part of your dirty game... "Come on... do it for a brother luv..." I said... mockingly dropping on my knees and holding her hands... "What's the plan?" Byron asked like he'd just dropped from another planet... it’s like Louise and I totally understood each other.... "Okay, here's the plan..., it’s nothing genius, but it would work..."

The plan was for Louise to call her up and say she doesn’t appreciate her calling up her man. Its so bait after she came off the phone, Byron's phone will start ringing (she'd call him) and he'll say I'm sorry I forgot to tell you... I was separated from my girlfriend for a bit and we back together now... but it was amazing being with you... but I kinda love my girlfriend....sorry to be a bugger!"... And bwoy it worked like a charm.... she rang him back almost immediately... and was like "What's going on".... Byron played the fool for a bit, asking what the matter was.... "How come you didn’t tell me you had a girl?" She said... He told her the whole fib... and she bought it... obviously she cussed him , started crying and locked off.... hmm.... that's the extreme way to handle such situations... but I reckon girls should know when a girl is not on in...!!!! COME ON!!! IT’S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE!!!!

Okay... ladies... how to know when a guy is not on it...

1. He doesn’t answer your phone calls!!! This is very bad mind and most boys will try as much as possible to answer...but if he doesn’t and never does... then its over!!!

2. He doesn’t respond to your texts.... I mean guys like teasing with text and if he doesn’t tease back...then the fire is out...move on

3. If he does answer your phone call, he hardly has anything to say to you and he uses certain phrases like “Seen" (one word answers)... whistles or hums on the phone and the odd... talking to the TV, or someone next to him.... advice... lock off the phone and move on (you can bet he wont call back as well!)

4. He says he'll call you back and he doesn’t (classic... get off my phone move)

5. He doesn’t call you after a date (or linkage as the case might be) to let you know whether he had a nice time.

6. He's not interested in meeting up with you

7. Extreme case... when he's had it to the neck...guys don’t do this normally because we still want an avenue to get a lil' sum'um but if he cant stand you no more.... he uses the "I've got a girl now...." or talks to you blatantly about other girls without you asking!!!! TIME TO MOVE ON GIRL!!!! PLEASE DONT LET IT GET TO THIS POINT... AND DONT INTERPRET THIS AS HE'S TRYING TO GET YOU JEALOUS...BECAUSE HE AINT!!!

Same goes for guys.... how to know when she's not on it!!!! girls are more subtle... but these will certainly show up!!!

1. She doesn’t answer your phone calls... after three times... don’t call her anymore...if she was really busy...she'll ring you back and don’t even try private number...don’t stoop that low... because they'll know.... and you'll become a muffin!!!

2. She doesn’t respond to your text... it’s not because they are not sexy enough or too sexy... she just doesn’t see you that way...get it???

3. You leave bare missed calls on her phone and she doesn’t phone you back or acknowledge these.... bwoy... this is the worst!!!

4. She leaves you on hold for more that 20 seconds... guys get you timer out and lock off the phone.... the longer you stay...you more you look like a twat....and a muffin!!!! locking off shows you got better things to do... not like she cares anyway.... if she doesn’t ring you back... oh well...!!! now you know

5. She's ALWAYS!!!! talking about or interested in one of your friends... "Oh' how's Jason... he's funny you know.... “Get the message... and say bye!!!!

6. She doesn’t say much on the phone and when you try to bring up a subject... she's watching TV... (hmmm Desperate Housewives... don’t call on Wednesdays...10-11pm!!!).... or she's tired.... BOLLOCKS.... move on bruv

7. Every time you ask her out... she's always busy... her schedule is so packed out like she was the prime minister....!!!!

8. If she's tried all of the above.... and you still don’t get it.... then she'll use the "I've got a man" lyric....!!! don’t let it get to this point bruv!!! true say sometimes...girls give guys.... probation... to see what you can offer... and if you cant offer anything... then.... she'll give you the "I've got a man" line!!! this means....YOU CAN STOP CALLING ME NOW!!!!!

FIX UP AND DONT LET ANYONE PLAY YOU FOR A DOORMAT!!!!!