Grace....
I was now with Grace, fresh in the relationship and feelin good.All i wanted was a girl that was close to me, one that I could talk to about anything, you know, some call it a soul mate, but I don’t think it was that. This was one of the reasons why I got with her. I was caught up, everything was going perfect. I and Grace never used to argue. I would tell people that and they'll be like nah, that’s weird. It’s not compulsory that a couple argue during the relationship right? At least that’s what I thought .But that didn’t bother me, I just kept on with Grace.
While me and Grace were together, I would still see Adelle in college...I always thought 2myself why I never made my move on her before me and Grace got together, but hey, it’s not a thing. I think Winnie was kind of pissed that I just jumped into a relationship with no consideration of how she felt. That was the thing though. I didn’t know how she felt. Winnie was the type of girl that showed NO emotion whatsoever even in the most awkward situations .I guess deep down i got with Grace to get my mind off Adelle and just forgot about Winnie…(I know that’s bad but, things happen. you see it?). It wasn't working though. I felt kind of guilty of what I was doing to Grace but nobody knew. This was when I started to get all sympathetic and actually started to have feelings. This when it all started......
Everything was going well with me and Grace and I did not look at ANY other girl, I mean, it was like I wanted to be on lockdown, ok sorry ladies, let me rephrase….It was like I wanted COMMITMENT! I just wanted a PERFECT relationship. Grace got used to my 'luvy duvy' behaviour and as time passed she popped the 'L' word to me. It was one night and we were talking on the phone. When she said it, I paused and did not know whether to say it back....then I just said it, "I love you too". It felt kind of awkward at first but it then became a routine thing after a long night’s conversation on the phone. I didn't know if I meant it when I said it but one thing I do know for sure is that I DID like her a lot.
This had always been my problem, jumping into things and later realizing that I really didn't want it. But really and truly I did want Grace, I mean, but after a while i started i started to get kind of bored. Everything was just becoming a routine and Raheem HATES routines. Grace was just getting more and more attached and i was starting to feel the HEAT. I was getting scared of the commitments and didn't know what I wanted anymore(to you it may seem like just plain old confusion but boy…I knew what I was going through). This was when I started to have doubts about me and Graces relationship. I then felt like I was leading her on but i wasn't sure, i wasn't sure about ANYTHING anymore. I carried on in feeling this way but never said anything, I guess i just thought that things would just magically get better.......yea right!!
A couple of months down the line, it got too bad, i just couldn’t take it anymore I spent sleepless nights thinking of what I was going to do and finally decided........it was time.
We both was having a conversation one time at a cafe near where I lived, it was our usual spot, we normally use that time to catch up with things that went on during the week and casually exchange pleasantries. I was just waiting for the right time to drop 'it' in. then she said "i need to tell you something first". .By this time I was just looking at her in suspense like ' i hope its not what i think it is'. Then….. "i know we've been going out for some time now and i still like you and every thing but.....", "but what" I said. "I just don't feel that I can be in a relationship anymore, I mean, I just don’t know". She didn't give a good reason. Her head was faced down in guilt. I was like "yeah, it's cool i understand”. She knew I was pissed, I was more than pissed. After we talked, we was sitting silent for a while, then luckily i got a phone call, one of my room friends who wanted me to come and meet him to collect something. My heart was beating FAST. I left without saying a word. I was DEVASTATED, i mean, i was going to break up with her but she got to me first. How could she do this to me? I swear it felt like it was the movies…
I was now a single man. i didn't even try to talk to other girls,it just wouldn't work. All my friends now had girlfriends, I was the only one…
I still couldn’t believe that she broke up with me. Now all that drama about me not feeling the relationship was gone. I didn't know how I felt. When i got back to home, i just fell on the bed and started listening to 'never really was" by mario winans, that didn’t make things better but it helped….. I couldn't sleep for the whole of that night. I had lost my appetite and I didn't eat. I didn't know that it would affect me this much, the pain was unbearable. What next........
Was I even really in her palace?
While me and Grace were together, I would still see Adelle in college...I always thought 2myself why I never made my move on her before me and Grace got together, but hey, it’s not a thing. I think Winnie was kind of pissed that I just jumped into a relationship with no consideration of how she felt. That was the thing though. I didn’t know how she felt. Winnie was the type of girl that showed NO emotion whatsoever even in the most awkward situations .I guess deep down i got with Grace to get my mind off Adelle and just forgot about Winnie…(I know that’s bad but, things happen. you see it?). It wasn't working though. I felt kind of guilty of what I was doing to Grace but nobody knew. This was when I started to get all sympathetic and actually started to have feelings. This when it all started......
Everything was going well with me and Grace and I did not look at ANY other girl, I mean, it was like I wanted to be on lockdown, ok sorry ladies, let me rephrase….It was like I wanted COMMITMENT! I just wanted a PERFECT relationship. Grace got used to my 'luvy duvy' behaviour and as time passed she popped the 'L' word to me. It was one night and we were talking on the phone. When she said it, I paused and did not know whether to say it back....then I just said it, "I love you too". It felt kind of awkward at first but it then became a routine thing after a long night’s conversation on the phone. I didn't know if I meant it when I said it but one thing I do know for sure is that I DID like her a lot.
This had always been my problem, jumping into things and later realizing that I really didn't want it. But really and truly I did want Grace, I mean, but after a while i started i started to get kind of bored. Everything was just becoming a routine and Raheem HATES routines. Grace was just getting more and more attached and i was starting to feel the HEAT. I was getting scared of the commitments and didn't know what I wanted anymore(to you it may seem like just plain old confusion but boy…I knew what I was going through). This was when I started to have doubts about me and Graces relationship. I then felt like I was leading her on but i wasn't sure, i wasn't sure about ANYTHING anymore. I carried on in feeling this way but never said anything, I guess i just thought that things would just magically get better.......yea right!!
A couple of months down the line, it got too bad, i just couldn’t take it anymore I spent sleepless nights thinking of what I was going to do and finally decided........it was time.
We both was having a conversation one time at a cafe near where I lived, it was our usual spot, we normally use that time to catch up with things that went on during the week and casually exchange pleasantries. I was just waiting for the right time to drop 'it' in. then she said "i need to tell you something first". .By this time I was just looking at her in suspense like ' i hope its not what i think it is'. Then….. "i know we've been going out for some time now and i still like you and every thing but.....", "but what" I said. "I just don't feel that I can be in a relationship anymore, I mean, I just don’t know". She didn't give a good reason. Her head was faced down in guilt. I was like "yeah, it's cool i understand”. She knew I was pissed, I was more than pissed. After we talked, we was sitting silent for a while, then luckily i got a phone call, one of my room friends who wanted me to come and meet him to collect something. My heart was beating FAST. I left without saying a word. I was DEVASTATED, i mean, i was going to break up with her but she got to me first. How could she do this to me? I swear it felt like it was the movies…
I was now a single man. i didn't even try to talk to other girls,it just wouldn't work. All my friends now had girlfriends, I was the only one…
I still couldn’t believe that she broke up with me. Now all that drama about me not feeling the relationship was gone. I didn't know how I felt. When i got back to home, i just fell on the bed and started listening to 'never really was" by mario winans, that didn’t make things better but it helped….. I couldn't sleep for the whole of that night. I had lost my appetite and I didn't eat. I didn't know that it would affect me this much, the pain was unbearable. What next........
Was I even really in her palace?
posted by Miguel Harper at 1:05 am
1 Comments:
Remember... a relationship thrives where there is conflict... luvy duvy predictability will kill your relationship faster than you know! Take it from someone who knows
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